EP.78 When Calm Snaps Into Chaos

We share a brutal garage meltdown from our Summer of Hell and the ripple effects that followed, then end with small, human moments that reminded us why we keep going. Fear, responsibility, and survival sit beside laughter, food, and connection.

• moving from gratitude into a hard story
• morning spiral and the sprint to the garage
• real physical danger
• being attacked and a late rescue
• fear aftershock and weighing self‑defense options
• dinner plans that calm anxiety
• playful nudges done gently for once
• Thai‑style stretches, safe roughhousing, and big laughs
• eclipse surge, self‑injury, and moon or weather links
• reminders to stay ready, ask for help, and keep sharing

Buy merch: screaming pillows, insulated mugs, wine tumblers, and water bottles. Keep sharing my episodes. Support the show for as little as one dollar through Buy Me A Coffee. Contact: contact.parentingsevereautism@gmail.com

Transcript

Welcome And Listener Support

SHANNON CHAMBERLIN 0:18

Hello and welcome to the Parenting Severe Autism Podcast. I am your host, Shannon Chamberlin. I'm so happy that you're here with me today. Today, I will be sharing one of our bigger, more destructive stories from the Summer of Hell. There are several, but this is the first of those. And I first want to, of course, thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for your communications. I really love hearing from you guys. And if you do have something to say, you can always reach out to me at contact.parentingsevereautism at gmail.com.

Wisconsin Memories And A Funny Hat Mishap

Reinventing With Woodworking And Music

Morning Spiral And The Chase To The Garage

Protecting Guitars As Rage Builds

The Table Saw Toss

Assault, Hair Tearing, And Rescue

Aftermath, Fear, And Self‑Defense Dilemma

Small Bright Spots And Dinner Joy

Gentle Play, Connection, And Human Moments

Stretching, Laughter, And Safe Roughhousing

Eclipse, Self‑Injury, And Moon Effects

Weather Fronts And Caregiver Solidarity

Closing And Encouragement

SHANNON CHAMBERLIN 0:54

Also, if you would like to check my link down at the bottom of the show notes, I've got my podcast merch available. As you know, Mother's Day is coming up. So if you're not a caregiver or a mother, you might consider getting one of the gifts for the mother of the severe autism person in your life. My favorite, honestly, is the screaming pillows. Also, um, the insulated mugs and the wine tumblers and the water bottles and all that kind of stuff. So they're just a constant reminder for you to hang in there and that you are a superhero. And they're useful items. So have a look at that. Please remember to keep sharing my episodes. It really is helping me to grow this podcast. And you can always support the podcast further by donating to the Buy Me a Coffee program. For as little as one dollar, you can help support the show and help me keep it free for those who need it. Earlier today, I was thinking back to some of the good old days in Wisconsin. That was really my favorite part of our life together as a family, even though that's where our son started to get really crazy, in my opinion. There were some good times, lots and lots of good times, because we were in nature and that's where I'm happy. And I remembered this one this one time where Jacob was very unhappy and trying to ruin our happy, which is what he normally does. But what happened was we were all outside and we used to go out in the woods all in camo. We have like the hats that look like the Navy SEAL's hats, and they're almost like a bucket hat. They have a string on them where you can tighten it up right under your chin so it doesn't blow off in the wind and stuff like that. So we would wear those hats out there in the woods to keep anything from falling out of the trees into our hair and to keep the sun out of our eyes. And we would ride our four-wheelers, so we use those chin straps to keep the hat on. We were trying to get Jacob suited up to go for a ride or perhaps for a walk in the woods, and he was either trying to get this hat that I described on or off. And we were trying to help him, but he was so pissed off, and I don't even know why. We never know why. He was just pissed. And we had the hat halfway on him, and the chin strap was actually employed at the time. And I don't know if he tried to pull it off himself or pull it down onto himself, but the chin strap got stuck on his nose and gave him a pig nose. And right in the middle of all of that, while we were like, oh, trying to get it adjusted, because I think he did that part to himself, it was pulling his nose up and also across his eyes. So it was just so funny. And he started stimming, you know, flapping, violently flapping in front of his face with this strap, giving him a pig nose and blocking his vision. His eyelids were half closed. It was just the funniest thing in the world. We all lost it. I'm really happy that I had that funny memory to share with you right before I share this really messed up memory that I have. And after I share this story of destruction with you, I have some cute little updates that have happened within the past few days that I would like to share at the end to help leave it on a positive note. All right, now I want to set the stage. We came here, as you know, we sold everything we owned and had to move down here, right? And then we were scrambling to try to figure out what our next move is so we can continue earning and give our son the lifestyle that he deserves. One of the things that we did was we started investing in woodworking equipment because my spouse wanted to get into making like Adirondack chairs. And then he got into this little specialty niche of his where he was making Harley Davidson type chairs, but in an Adirondack style. It was pretty cool. Uh, he learned a lot about woodworking. He was not a woodworker before, so this was a brand new reinvention of him. Anything that he needed to make this wood the way that he needed it, we bought and we had help from family because we didn't have any money. So we were very grateful for that. So we ended up with a table saw. I think we had a band saw, a planer, I believe, and something. I I don't know. It um puts these little slots in, everything fits together without screws and stuff. One of those things, and a wood burner, and everything you could think of that you need for a wood shop to make furniture and mass produce it. We started investing in that off of Craigslist and all that stuff, right? So we had a garage full of that and he had his shop set up. And at the same time, he also was getting more into playing guitar. He had set the guitar down decades ago, and recently before we left Wisconsin, he got into playing classical guitar. And then when we moved here, he was able to pick up an electric guitar and started doing that. So he started a YouTube channel eventually. And anyway, one of his friends wanted to jam out with him a lot, so his friend started bringing over his guitars. And this guy is really talented, he can play any guitar. I think he had a valuable one that was his father's, and that's why it was valuable, sentimental value. He had that one, he made his own, I think, bass guitar, and that was over here, plus he had like a 12 string, and he had, I don't know, altogether he may have had like five or six guitars over here, plus his amps, and then my spouse had his amps, and so we just had this entire like musical studio in the same area as the wood shop, and you would just kind of flip back and forth. Needless to say, that stuff isn't cheap and it wasn't free, right? So that's something that was in my head when all of this other stuff started happening with our son. So one day my spouse was already gone at work. I was here with our son. It was morning. I was dealing with his morning stuff that I've already outlined with the entire groundhog day round of bullshit that he put us through every morning. I was dealing with all of that. I thought I was doing a pretty good job. He did come down here and start freaking out on me. He came into my office and started trying to toss all of my belongings around, including my computer and my monitor and all of that, right in front of me. I blocked him and I wouldn't let him in. And he was trying to push past me and trying to grab me and hurt me, but I wouldn't give in. And he eventually flew back up the stairs in such a violent way that I chased him because I didn't know what was gonna happen, and I didn't want him to go and slam his head into something and hurt himself. So I'm right on his heels as fast as I can be anyway, because he's super fast, and I'm still in my silly summer sandals, you know. I had no business I I've learned from that summer of hell, I learned that I need to be fully dressed and ready to run in the morning. I can't relax and just wear slippers or birkin stocks. No, I have to be dressed, I have to have my running shoes on, I have to be ready to go. That whole uh fuzzy slippers thing is a luxury that I don't really get to enjoy because of all of the things that our son does. You gotta stay on guard and ready to chase him down. So anyway, I'm chasing him down. I was not ready, I was not dressed for it, but he flies out the back door and I'm right behind him. But I was actually, I don't know, maybe six to ten feet behind him. So he was already in the garage by before I got halfway there. And by the time I got there, I found him tossing woodworking equipment. And in fact, as soon as I stepped foot in the garage, I saw what he was doing, I screamed, no, and that was enough to stop him briefly. And we kind of both were able to assess the situation. And in my mind, I was like, I he was going for the guitars at first. Did I ever mention that about the guitar when uh his dad was playing? I don't know if I did or not. Well, there when his dad picked up classical guitar in Wisconsin, he played it so much that I think both me and our son felt a little bit neglected sometimes because he was really into it. And there was that one day when his dad was playing this beautiful song, and our son kept saying dad, dad, dad, or whatever it was, and his dad wouldn't answer him because he was playing this song. And all of a sudden, Jacob, I believe, was trying to match the tone of the guitar. He said, Dad. And yeah, I think I did tell you about that because he started getting really weird and scary after that. And he he wouldn't stop talking like that. But it was my opinion immediately that he was competing with the guitar, and he thought, well, if I just sound like the guitar, he'll pay attention to me. And I know that sounds bad, but that's what I felt. That's what I saw. I I don't know. Anyway, I remembered that when I saw him in the garage. I thought maybe he was taking aggressions out on the musical equipment, and it might have stemmed from way back then, which was really only maybe a year prior, if that. So I see him over there by these guitars that don't belong to us, and this amp and equipment that we didn't pay for. It was my spouse's friend's stuff, and I just freaked out. I'm like screaming, no, no, get away from that. I w I took one big step towards him to block all the musical equipment with my body. I know that was dumb, but you know, it's not mine, and I don't want this guy to lose all of his equipment because my son is psycho. So I go over there just to deter him from that. And by the time I took that one big step and put my arms out to indicate, no, get away from here. This is dangerous. And I actually said that out loud, he was already about six feet across the garage over by the woodworking equipment, and he picked up a craftsman table saw, picked it up completely, and just tossed it so that it landed upside down. I couldn't believe it. This kid is so small, even though he's tall, he's skinny, and I just couldn't believe that he picked up an entire table saw unit with the blade in it and just tossed it, and it's upside down. So I grab him because now I'm like, oh shit, he's he's gonna cut himself. Something bad is really gonna happen. I didn't care about the table saw itself, but it did get messed up really badly. Um, I just thought, shit, he's gonna start grabbing these blades or something. So I go and I grab him as soon as he was getting ready to pick up the table saw again, but I grabbed a hold of his shirt. I don't know what made me think that I could stop him, but I thought I could stop him. And I have a hold of his shirt, and I think I'm gonna hold him at arm's length. Now, you probably remember I've tried this before, and I apparently did not learn my lesson. I'm holding him at my arm's length, but he's taller than me. It doesn't work when the other guy has longer arms than you. So I'm holding him stiff arm with a handful of his shirt at arm's length, and he starts wailing on me with his fists and his nails, and he's just going crazy like a wild fucking animal all over me. I mean, he punched me everywhere that he could reach me, and he was trying to scratch me, and I'm screaming the whole time, no, no, stop it. And I have my head ducked down and turned away from him, but I'm still holding on to him because I I know if I let him go, he's gonna destroy everything in this garage. And it's a terrible feeling when none of it is yours. You know what I mean? Like, if it's yours, you can decide whether it's valuable enough to try to prevent him from destroying it, or whether you're willing to just let him destroy it and save yourself. And I don't know. I just felt responsible for all of this stuff in the garage because it wasn't mine and I was losing control of the situation quickly, and never had control of it to begin with. So anyway, he's wailing on me with everything he's got. I tried to come up for air once because he took a brief break, and as soon as I came up, he took both of his hands, grabbed my head, and ripped all the hair out of one side of my head. And it still isn't growing back right, to be honest. I mean, just ripped it out. And I was pissed at that point. He just kept hitting me and hitting me and hitting me, and the next thing I know, I'm really cowered down. I mean, I'm almost in a little ball, but I'm trying to stand up and I'm still trying to hold on to him because I know worse things are gonna happen if I let him go. I've got to hold him until he calms down. The next thing I know, the uncle is in the garage pulling him off of me, and that was the day that he said, Well, I thought you had it covered pretty good. I was watching, but then I saw him with his teeth out and he was getting ready to bite your spinal cord, and that's why I pulled him off of you. I don't think that I need to point out how fucked up that sentence was in all the different ways. I'm sure you as a parent or caregiver can understand all the ways that that was just totally wrong. So anyway, just me talking about this, my throat is starting to close up and my heart rate is increasing. It's you know, this is something that is really hard to get over. I mean, I have therapied through this and everything, but it still is bringing up the panicked state that I was in and that I always got into when he would try to destroy things and destroy me. And my stomach is now in a total painful knot. That's the effect that this lifestyle has on me. I will say I'm not happy or proud to admit this at all, but this day was the worst attack on me that he had made to that point. I mean, he has attacked me for quite a long time by that point, but none of them were as bad or as physically threatening. I mean, I don't know, choking me while I was driving, that was fucked up. That was pretty threatening, but it was the first real attack I had experienced. I mean, he used to harass me really badly at the house in Wisconsin. It never got physical though. He thought about it and he threatened physical violence with his physical self, not with words, but he never actually did anything. And I was loud enough and scary enough at that time to deter it, but he changed quickly, and this was the most damage that I had received. I actually started trying to figure out how to defend myself or keep him at bay more like it. And what that means is I was trying to find out if there was like a low-dose taser or something that I could keep on me. I never did buy one. Actually, I have a concealed carry license and everything, but it was illegal to buy in this state. But I I was desperate enough at that point and scared enough at that point that I thought having a stun gun or something would be the best option for me. Then my spouse, when he found out what happened, he was pissed and he saw our son attack me a couple other times afterwards, you know. He told me right away that I should actually just bring a knee up to his groin and don't feel bad about it. So that's the way my spouse would prefer that I defend myself against his son, is to just knee him in the groin. I've never had to do it, honestly, because I actually haven't been alone when I've been attacked since then. There was one more time where I was alone, but I didn't receive the full attack. He was interested in some other stuff, which I'll tell you in the next episode. But yeah, I was scared enough and desperate enough at that time to start trying to search for a self-defense weapon against my own son. So if you have been there, don't feel bad. You are not alone. And if you have not been there, when you get there, don't feel bad. You are not alone. I felt like a shitty human while I was researching my options, and I actually almost went through with it because I could go to a different state right next door, and I could have gotten one. And I actually have people in that state, and I could have had them get it for me. So I didn't go through with it, but I I was really, really close. So thank you for listening to that terrible, terrible story. I've got something I want to share with you. There are a few things have happened recently that I I have just been really tickled by. Over the past week, I think, all of this stuff has happened. It's super cute and surprising. The other day, I was in the kitchen, and really all our son cares about is food. I think he was he gets nervous when we don't run our plans by him and you know, give him the play-by-play of how food is going to be cooked and served for the whole day. If he doesn't have that, he gets a little nervous throughout the day. And it was time for dinner to be cooked, and his dad was upstairs before I was, and I think that our son was getting a little nervous that I wasn't going to be cooking. And then I ended up in the kitchen finally and and got all the food started, and he came by to check what's going on, and I told him, I'm making this meal for us and this meal for you. He got so happy, he's like, Oh yeah. I think he said, uh, I think he said, Oh yeah, awesome. And then he goes, You're my mom. Oh yeah, awesome. You're my mom. It was so funny because he's never said it like that before. And uh I think I made it into the ranks, you know. A couple days later, it was just the other day, I was sitting here on our new little floor couch thing that we have. It's actually two units, and when he has to come down and sit with us, I kind of have him sit on one unit or the other with me or with his dad, depending on how the units are positioned, because they're reclining units, but they're not like a regular recliner. They don't just kick back and you can't just adjust them easily. So his dad's is usually kicked back further than mine because he's taller than me. And Jacob will try to sit in the middle, but then that's not good, you know, because half of him is going back and half of him is sitting forward. So I've been having him come over to my side and just sit with me. The other day I had him do that, and he was messing with me in a way that he usually is not good at. And like, you know, you sit there and you nudge whoever's next to you, just kind of give him a little tease elbow thing, you know, and just kind of messing with them, twitching and pushing them a little bit, but not hard. Well, normally he doesn't understand the proper amount of pressure for something like that, and he'll just like elbow your ribs and put you in the hospital. But this particular day, he had the perfect understanding of how to do that, and he was just sitting next to me and bumping me and wiggling on me and messing with me on purpose and then giggling about it. And I thought it was really cute because pardon the expression, but it really made him seem so human, you know? A lot of times we ask him if he's an alien, and he says yes. Anyway, I thought that was really cute, and I really appreciate the way that it happened and the memory that I have from it because it did make him seem human, more human than usual. I don't know, I just I treasure little moments like that. And then I have one more. My spouse and I like to do this tie massage on each other, and that's really just body mechanics. You're using your body against someone else's body to give you the leverage to stretch their muscles and not work yourself to death while doing it. I walked in to the downstairs area and I found Jacob laying on the carpet, and his dad was doing these tie stretches on him, and he was just in heaven. He just was looking up at the ceiling, his mouth wide open, but also smiling and just loving these stretches. And some of the positions made him giggle like crazy, like the hamstring stretches and stuff. He would just giggle and giggle and giggle and and then all of a sudden I had to step over him to get over into my bedroom. And he's in the middle of being stretched, and he just reaches out and grabs my ankle and tries to trip me. I almost stomped on his face because he caught my foot and I didn't have anywhere to land. And that kind of, you know, freaked me out. But then instantly he started laughing more. And when I turned around, his dad had him in uh like the The ring the bell position. So he's on his back. The both legs are straight and up in the air, and you stand to where the legs of the person who's laying down and has and their legs are up in the air, they are kind of locked between your knees, and you've got their ankles in your hands. And so then you use your legs and move back and forth, and it makes them sway like you know, like it was ringing a bell. Um feels really good. So as soon as he tripped me, his dad changed into that ring the bell position. And by the time I turned around, he's doing this ring the bell thing. Jacob is laughing and stimming, flapping his hands so hard, and I couldn't get past because the range of motion with his hands was just dangerous. And I was just standing there watching. And so here he's laughing and flapping like crazy. And his dad's got his legs. And just to let me through, his dad starts pulling him across the carpet. If you could just imagine him, he's got this goofy face, eyes are going googly-eyed. He's laughing his ass off and flapping, stimming like crazy and being dragged across the entire carpet. And he didn't even notice. He was having so much fun. He didn't even notice that he was being dragged. So, anyway, that's my story. He got really crazy over this eclipse that happened a few days ago. And he started getting nuts about two days ahead of time. And then for all the way through the eclipse into the next day, he was some kind of monster. We had to triple dose him with his cannabis. He went to bed so much more than usual, and he bit himself. This is the first time that he broke the skin with his biting. I didn't know what to do. So he he knew I was coming to look at his arm because he had been freaking out and he wouldn't let me see his arm. So I finally was like, give it to me, let me see it. It's usually on the top of his forearm, but this was under on the soft side of the forearm, and there was a puncture. I don't know. I smacked it and he was like, ah. And I was like, well, I mean, you know, I've told you a million times to stop biting yourself. I'm waiting for his next check, and I'm gonna get whatever it is that'll make him taste nasty to himself and deter him from it that way. But right now I'm still in scolding mode. That happened during the eclipse. I don't know. Weird. I was wondering if any of my listeners have noticed weird behaviors or more intense behaviors during eclipses or full moons. For us, it's always full moons. The eclipses are terrible, and the full moons have not been as bad lately as the new moons. So he likes to keep us guessing. Um, also, there was a weird weather front coming through, and he is very reliable. He I don't even need to watch the news or the weatherman because if my son starts acting crazy, it's usually that a front is on its way. My son, the barometer. So anyway, just wanted to throw that stuff out there just to keep you on your toes and let you know that there might be a connection between what's going on in the sky and what's going on with your kid. I know I talk about it a lot, but I I see it all the time. This is what happens with us. I hope that all of my episodes provide you with some sort of support, clarity, humor, connection. And what do you know? I'm out of time again. I can hear him up, running around, stomping through the house. So it is time for me to go. You hang in there. You're a superhero.