EP.44. Embracing Severe Autism's Challenges with Humor and Heart

Exploring the complexities of autism and family dynamics, this episode delves into vaccine concerns, genetic traits, communication challenges, and the necessity of parental advocacy. Listeners gain insight into the ongoing journey of understanding and supporting their children with autism. 
• Discussion on the potential link between vaccines and autism 
• Recognition of family traits and hereditary behaviors 
• Communication barriers and the detective role of parents 
• Importance of steadfast advocacy in supporting children 
• Loneliness and isolation felt by parents of children with autism 
• The power of music and shared activities in bonding 
• The practice of gratitude amidst challenges

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Chapters

• 0:18 Genetic Traits and Autism Vaccine Debate
• 13:40 Navigating Relationships With Special Needs
• 22:53 Parenting Challenges and Gratitude
• 34:09 The Mystery of the Missing Washcloth
• 37:29 House Towel Hygiene Investigation

Transcript

Shannon Chamberlin: 0:18

Hello and welcome to the Parenting Severe Autism podcast. I am your host, Shannon Chamberlin. I'm so happy that you're here with me today. Today we're wrapping up part two of the interview with Dad. And remember, if you're interested in supporting the podcast in any way, you can click the little support podcast button on your podcast player or you can visit my hosting website, psa. buzzsprout. com. I've still got merchandise available as well. You can just follow all of my links from there and if you had any questions, comments or concerns, you are welcome to email me at contact. parentingsevereautism@ gmailcom. The next couple of questions are a little more heavy and maybe a little more triggering for people, so I just wanted to say that first. But my question is about the vaccines. How do you feel about vaccines and the possibility of them being a catalyst to conditions that may already exist in order to actually create autism?

Jason: 1:20

To awaken a sleeping giant? Yes, Okay. Well, I've thought about that.

Jason: 1:25

Sometimes I joke and say you know, we're all on the spectrum, it's just that Jake's higher functioning you know, because there's definitely days when I don't feel like I'm functioning too well at all and I don't communicate, you know very well, and to be able to relate emotionally or mentally to another human being seems to be a stretch, you know, sometimes I don't even feel like I can talk, right, you know. So I mean, we just talked about autism, didn't we? But I do have family members that don't seem to have the ability to form genuine relationships on so many different levels with other human beings. I see this. I see extreme narcissism. Autism, it's a very selfish thing. I mean, no autistic kid really feels bad that he has autism and they can unleash hell on you, you know. And it's not like a person who comes home from work and says I feel bad because my bipolar disorder really showed itself today at work. Yeah, not going to happen here, you know.

Jason: 2:17

But facts are facts. When we look at the vaccine, it used to be administered measles, mumps, rubella in three individual doses. When they combined that vaccine into a single cocktail, it required a different type of preservative, which is basically a mercury-based preservative, and the epidemic of autism soon followed. Let's talk about our parents' generation. There was a handful of shots that they had to take, you know, during grade school, high school, all that. We're talking about a 300% increase in vaccines over the spread of a generation and a half, by the pharmaceutical companies themselves. They knew that this stuff could cause cognitive disorders. They knew, before they sent it off to be consumed, that measles, mumps, rubella vaccine is going to cause cognitive issues in children. And the woman that was in charge of the whole deal not only did not lose her job, she was granted a very large position at the FDA, so she actually got a raise, she actually elevated her status by approving this poison.

Jason: 3:28

And the facts are the facts. I mean, if you want to look up and see how many children out of 100 children were diagnosed with autism in the 90s, compared to the 2000 to 2010. And then we have to look at see what's changed. What really changed? Was it diet? No, was it that our water changed drastically? What changed? And the answer is unequivocally the vaccines. So, yes, I do believe that vaccines are to blame for the epidemic.

Shannon Chamberlin: 3:55

We've had 24 years of him being alive and 21 of them have been diagnosed with autism. During all of these years that we've been raising him and dealing with everything as it comes up and over and over again, and then the new things on top of that. And looking outward to all of the extended family members. The more time that goes by and the more I see of extended family members, the more I start to wonder this Do we think that there are signs in other family members who are completely functioning, they're well off, they're doing fine, they have no diagnoses of any kind of learning disability or any developmental disability, everyone's fine. But do we see things that maybe are tipping us off, that this is kind of in the blood?

Jason: 4:41

I think that on some level it exists within us and it is there. I think that some people that are diagnosed with autism today they're able to get a level of compassion that they were not going to get in the 80s and prior, when people hadn't heard this. It seems like in the past there was just a hey, toughen up attitude. You know what I mean, and it was survival of the fittest, and if you fall behind, you get left behind. You know, there was a time when people like Jacob would have just been institutionalized, period. They would have been labeled mentally retarded and they would have been institutionalized for the rest of their lives. You know, now they're viewed a little different and right. Can you imagine if they weren't? I mean, that would be a lot of institutions to house all of these. You know what? One out of 30, one out of 30, 40 kids now being diagnosed.

Shannon Chamberlin: 5:30

Yeah, Thank you for your input on that. Personally, I believe the same of what you said that it may be lying dormant in everybody we all have our peculiarities and our particular things.

Shannon Chamberlin: 5:43

You know and I've mentioned this in several episodes, that I get it. What bothers him and what irritates him, what pisses him off? Hey, I feel that way too, I'm... You know, I get that, I get it. And like you said about when you took him to school that first day, you were just gut wrenched about it about leaving him there with all these strangers, and he didn't think anything of it one way or the other. Well, I was the same way when I was in preschool and kindergarten. I didn't give a shit where my parents were, I just wanted to be where I was. And so those little things I look into myself and I recognize parts of what they call autism in Jacob, in me as a regular functioning adult. And then I look at your family members related to Jacob and I think, wow, I think that maybe there is something just running in the blood. And I look at his maternal side and I know that they're a little screwed up too and I just think that you know, like with.

Shannon Chamberlin: 6:41

Okay, so my family my dad had three daughters before he married my mom. He had three daughters with another woman. We all have Irish names but we're completely different, but at least two of us sound alike on the phone and each one of them had a defect. And one main reason I used to say it was a big reason I don't want kids is because I didn't want my kid to have a birth defect. My dad had a cleft palate. One of my sisters is allegedly like he, really really big, just tall, big hands, you know, and just just weird, you know. So each one of us has. I don't know what my problem is, but I know it's in there somewhere. My luck, I'm going to have a baby with big hands, my problem is, but I know it's in there somewhere.

Shannon Chamberlin: 7:25

My luck, I'm going to have a baby with big hands. Yeah Well, my dad had a cleft palate, so that was a big problem for him growing up. And you know, all of us have things and I think that, like if I would have had one, I might have had a really defective baby, and I didn't want to put a person through that and I didn't want to have to go through it myself. So I think that, looking at the genes involved in creating him and his two half siblings, I feel that, you know, maybe there is a little something that was buried and maybe the vaccine is was the catalyst, as you mentioned, because I do see things that are weird in these people that are related to him, but not you, of course.

Jason: 8:03

Yeah, it's like insomnia, insomnia if you have it, it can be a catalyst. If you develop insomnia and you have any underlining mental issues, then insomnia can be a catalyst to bring out that OCD or schizophrenia or something like that. And yeah, I mean there's plenty of mental instability, you know in the whole the whole family.

Jason: 8:27

I mean, it's like, you know I sometimes, you know I have to fight tooth and claw, you know, to make it out of my own head, my own space, and I feel that probably is one of the biggest things me and Jake haven't come.

Shannon Chamberlin: 8:43

Yeah, I do try to remember that. I see a lot of it, you know in him where I'm just like oh dude, I totally know how you feel right now, even though you can't tell me, I see it, and that's nice, I think, when you're able to kind of recognize faults within yourself that are just part of you. But when they're attached to someone with severe autism now, they're glaringly obvious traits that you would normally think nothing of and those traits we all share. And when we can recognize them in people who can't communicate them to us, I think it gives us some common ground.

Jason: 9:09

That goes into the biggest thing about. To me, the most challenging part of this whole situation, you know, is it is a blessing to be able to express yourself. You know it's a gift to be able to say I feel angry because this or that or the other thing. The biggest fear that we have, parenting these sweet little angels is they can't tell us. They don't tell us. We see how they feel, based on how they're behaving, and that's it. How often is that accurate for ourselves? How often does that happen?

Jason: 9:40

You know the fear of leaving them with anybody. If anything happens, they are not going to tell you about it when they get sick. You have to try really, really hard. You have to become a detective to figure out that their stomach hurts because they're not going to tell you. My stomach hurts, my head hurts, my foot hurts, until they're grabbing it in pain.

Jason: 9:57

You know that's the nail biting anxiety part of this whole issue of communication. It makes you feel lucky if you do have the ability to be like hey, this happened and this is how it made me feel. Let's do this so I don't have to experience that again. Take away your ability to analyze a scenario and remove that which made you unhappy Sounds like you know. That's a fundamental aspect of being alive, but that is one of the biggest fundamentals that they're missing is that ability to communicate how they're feeling, how someone makes them feel, how some sound, and I think that, again, that was the point of the play project and some of the therapies and stuff is, you're trying to listen between the lines, if you will. Yes, because that is the only place that you actually learn anything, absolutely.

Shannon Chamberlin: 10:41

I was telling a story a couple episodes ago about how we learned about his being mistreated while he was here on a so-called vacation with the grandparents, and how it came out weeks and weeks later, in between the lines of chatter out at the fire pit, and it was just piecing it all together, one little piece here, one little piece there, and eventually we figured out that he had been places he shouldn't have been. He had you know. It just makes me think of, like, when you watch crime shows and stuff, they have one area of investigation that's called discovery, and that's basically what we're constantly in is discovery. And then you got to share that information with people who have the power to influence them, like teachers and stuff, and then they don't want to accept it and it's really maddening, because a lot of work and energy goes into discovery.

Jason: 11:27

And then you discover that not everybody is going to be on board. Either they are a productive influence or they are anti-productive, and that's part of the sad reality that we deal with is that sometimes you just have to cut people out and accept them for who they are. If they're going to lie to you about what they feed your child, where they take your child, and you allow that, you're basically stacking the deck against yourself. Unfortunately, it may be easier for you to go along, to get along today, but eventually letting them get around these types of people are going to cause big problems. So you have to be strong.

Jason: 11:57

It doesn't matter if it's a grandma or grandpa, If they're lying to you and they're not taking it serious. You know, when we say, hey, we don't do sugars, we don't do dyes, we don't do gluten, and they think, well, it's OK because you're with grandpa or it's OK because you're with grandma, to be our little secret, our little treat. You know that's such a lack of respect and unfortunately, in Jacob's situation he's had plenty of that. He has a grandma that still acts like he is brain dead. A few days ago asked me, right in front of him, what he wants for his birthday Right in front of him. I said he's standing right next to you. Why don't you ask him no-transcript? And unfortunately that can only be bad. You know there's a neglect that comes with that that is very confusing to him and can be very, very anti-productive. So you have to be very strong and never stop advocating for your child.

Shannon Chamberlin: 12:43

Probably of people you'll let around your son and let influence your son, because obviously anyone who interacts with him is going to influence him in one way or the other. Before I came around, what was single slash dating life like for you when you were just a single father dealing with this newly diagnosed autism?

Jason: 13:10

I think the biggest thing about the short answer to that is it was almost non-existent. Jake has always required a lot from me since he was, you know, especially probably, I would say, five, six years old. You know that really, really kicked in when you have a child that has special needs. I'm like 30 years old now. I mean women my age, you know they're thinking I need to find somebody to settle down with. I'm 30 years old. You know what I mean If you're single at 30 years old or in your late twenties, you know. I mean it's kind of how they think. Anyway, right, you know, and it don't matter how old you are, it's like is this a potential mate? I mean, we do usually consciously decide I'm going to let this person in emotionally, I'm going to let my guard down and, you know, let this person into my heart Well, their life. I don't want to be a caretaker forever, I don't want a child for 50 years. So they end up, before they're even too far emotionally invested in you, mentally, they connect the dots there and be like OK, you know what Hell with that, especially on bad days, when they see this type of behavior. And you know well, this is just not normal for a six year old, a seven year old, to be behaving this way, behaving this way? And what if he's going to behave this way in 20, 30 years? The unknown is enough to scare people away. So I mean, you know, yeah, I went through a couple of girlfriends that I think that after they understood that they're always going to have to share the seat with Jake, I can't just leave him, okay, and take you to Jamaica. I am married to him first.

Jason: 14:31

If you want to get in on this relationship, you have to come in knowing that, and I think that that sets the stage for a lot of issues with parents dealing with special needs on any level. There's a lot of us that are alone and a lot of issues come along with being lonely. You know the chemical dependency I'm sure is off the charts for parents of special needs anyway, much less being the only one, and being lonely and not have a part of your life fulfilled because you are busy being a mom and a dad and a caretaker constantly to this child, constantly putting out fires. A mate can see that and be like I don't want to fight fires for the rest of my life. It's aggravating, there's nothing easy about it. And then you have family members that come along after you just put a fire out and they throw gas on fires. You know what I mean? That's the issue.

Jason: 15:18

You're going to have people in your life that are going to go with you and they're going to be on the same page as you and they're going to help you keep fires out, or they're going to set fires. In my experience, that's all there is to it. It's a 24-7, 365. And when you're single the prospect, you know, just staring at that unemotionally, just in its pure naked rawness of this is the reality and it's not going to change you start to wonder if you're ever going to have a relationship. And I hit the jackpot with you. I mean, you know your viewers come on, unless you're new to the podcast Did Jacob hit the gold mine having Shannon for a mom, someone who is taking such an interest and has been so patient, and at times she's lost her shit!

Jason: 15:52

Don't let her fool you. Yeah, but you know what? She's not a runner, she's a fighter and she is a soldier for that boy and I am so grateful and I love her so much because she gave Jake a mom that he deserved to have

Shannon Chamberlin: 16:18

Thank you. wanted kids

Shannon Chamberlin: 16:18

I guess, number one.

Shannon Chamberlin: 16:18

I didn't really understand what autism was. I mean, I know that you said he'll be with you for the rest of his life, but I didn't know him very well, and I didn't really know what was expected of kids. And I think the biggest thing for me, though, is that all my life, I just am not willing to accept certain things if it's dismal. I am a fighter. I do try to make a difference. I'm optimistic, so I guess, if you are looking for someone out there to accept you and be your teammate with your children, try to find someone who's really optimistic. Give them a puzzle, or give them something and watch them, try to solve it, and if they give up, walk away.

Jason: 16:56

Yeah, they like detective things. That's probably for the best too, and that's kind of what you did. You know, even with diet you have to do everything within your power to try to stack the deck a little bit in your favor, you know. So the idea of having a child that has the potential to laugh and have a great time one minute and then the next minute put his head through the wall, you might not want to give him a six pack of Pepsi. I mean, obviously there's so much that you have to look at and you have to eliminate variables that are in your control. And obviously diet is a big part of how we feel and you know it would be very foolish to think that it's not the same for them.

Shannon Chamberlin: 17:34

Going back to that single and dating life while you were telling that story. I was wondering, because he was six when I met him and I guess what I was wondering is was it that obvious to people that you tried to date that this was going to be a lifelong thing? Or I mean, was his behavior at such a young age, back when he was cute, cuddly and everyone loved autism, was that really a deterrent? Was it so glaring and obvious at that time? And that's what happened to anyone who thought about coming in for a relationship. They just knew.

Jason: 18:12

I think so. I try to imagine how I would feel. You know, if I was single and I'm looking at, you know, potential mates, it wouldn't be too high on my priority to select one that was going to have, you know, a special needs child that was never going to drive a car, go to college, get married. You know it's almost like you know, let's just go ahead and avoid that. You know you avoid that while you have no emotions. You know what I mean.

Shannon Chamberlin: 18:39

That's really interesting to me, because I didn't even really know you know what I mean Like I didn't even know that that was the reality for a long time.

Shannon Chamberlin: 18:49

I mean, I never had these great expectations of him, but I also never had limiting beliefs of him either you know and I just, I just wanted to help him grow and develop and get through life the best that he could and I never really understood that. Like I mean to give everyone an example of, I guess, the way that I don't comprehend things. We moved here in an emergency situation and I was really convinced for the first three years that we were not going to stay here very long. So I guess that's on me, you know. But no, I never, really, I never gave it a thought of he will never do any of these things. I never said, oh I, one day I hope that he does.

Shannon Chamberlin: 19:33

I just I don't know, you know, I just thought I don't know. I guess it's that live and let live, and I never really thought of the autism or the Jacob as a make or break it deal. You know, I just he comes with the kit. I believe I met my soulmate and this is what's going on. It's a really interesting prospect for me to consider that people think differently, you know.

Jason: 19:55

I think in your situation you know when it comes to you. You just couldn't help it. You know, you, all you out there listening to this, She loves puzzles. She's very brilliant. She runs categories on Jeopardy. I mean, she's just. She is a brilliant, brilliant, beautiful nerd. Anything to do with bugs, trees, nature. She's amazing.

Jason: 20:14

She's amazing and that's Jacob Bugs, trees, nature, yeah yeah, fits right into the family, you know, but we really really got lucky. For me to be able to snag Shannon we've been together now for almost 20 years was a miracle. I mean, something had to turn out right. But yes, back in those days before Jacob hit puberty, jacob was just a very, very smiley, happily laughy. He was easy. Those actually were the easy years.

Shannon Chamberlin: 20:36

I think that's why it surprised me so much that that was a deterrent.

Jason: 20:39

Yeah, you know, that's the thing is so many people, when they know there's special needs involved, that's red flag run like hell and that's the way it is. I always was uncomfortable with people telling me that I was a hey, you're such a great dad, you're doing such a good job with your son. And I always felt a little weird when I would hear that like you were congratulating me because I was breathing. The idea of not being an attentive father would never cross my mind, but apparently that crosses a lot of people's minds. To give up, to run from this, for whatever the reasons may be, but it was inconceivable to me to not be the best parent that I could possibly be to my son. That's my son. I made him. He is my flesh and blood. Everybody's got to make their own decisions, but for me, you might as well congratulate me. Hey, you did such a great job not driving your car up a cliff today. Congratulations, I'm so proud of you.

Shannon Chamberlin: 21:34

I do remember we were at some kind of a gathering many years ago and I think two people who know you I don't know, they might have been family, maybe on your mom's side, or something, I don't know, but I know two people came up to me because you were somewhere else in the area and they said oh well, tell him, I am so proud of him, the way he's being a dad, you know, to Jacob or whatever.

Shannon Chamberlin: 21:56

And I told you. I was like okay, these people say they're proud of you for being his dad.

Jason: 22:03

And I know, yeah, what else am I supposed to?

Shannon Chamberlin: 22:05

Yeah, right, and you were really weirded out and offended by that, and I don't blame you at all. So, to wrap this up, you guys, I've got two more questions and, husband, I'm just going to ask you these at the same time, and you can just tell the story, okay?

Shannon Chamberlin: 22:19

Yes, okay, wife Tell my questions wife, I would like to have you discuss how, in the early days, you were able to help him hone his ability to talk what little bit he could, and I know you have a little shopping cart story that I would like you to share as well.

Jason: 22:35

Let's do the shopping cart first. So Jacob decided he had to pee and we were at the store in front of the deli and he stands up in the shopping cart and pees like a big make, a wish fountain, right there in front of the deli. So that's just. You know. I think he was probably four or five. You know one of many, many examples that he's not going to make decisions based on what is socially acceptable. Yeah, you got to be prepared for that. So they're pure, pure, unadulterated nature. Here they come. You know they don't care what that old lady is thinking or what that young child may see. It's all coming out and it's time to pee. Pee right where we're at. You know, fortunately, something clicked in his head and we understand. It makes more sense to be like.

Jason: 23:17

Daddy I gotta go pee pee, and then we go pee pee, you know. But you know, yeah, there was a time when he thought, well, this looks like a good spot, you know, there's that Now. The other thing that I was going to talk about was learning words. Learning words, OK, so his. When it comes to the speech delay, it might be easier to prolong the sounds that make up a word. Nothing does that better than music, because it drags out the syllables and it slows them down in space and time so that they can be formed. My son's first words were to infinity and beyond.

Shannon Chamberlin: 23:50

How did he really say it?

Jason: 23:52

To Indigity, hang on Everything we. His nickname was Diggy when he was I don't know for the, certainly for the first 12 years of his life, because he would say digga as a substitute for syllables that he couldn't pronounce. So, for example, you might say my car is purple, but if he has trouble saying car, he'll be like Indigity purple. And then when he would get very excited, he would stem, he would jump up and down, flap his arms and go diggity, diggity, diggity, diggity, diggity, diggity, diggity, diggity, diggity, diggity, diggity, diggity, diggity, diggity, diggity, diggity, digg. There, that's a clue and you use it. You use everything you can to establish the deepest forms of communication that you can. Perfect example right here.

Jason: 24:41

I was never going to send Jacob to school and he was going to learn how to type. Never going to happen in a hundred years. That was not going to happen. But his interest in songs and movies he taught himself how to type. He can use a keyboard without looking at it at six and seven years old because he taught himself how to read. He taught himself how to type because of his interest in Toy Story, in Shrek, in Barney, when he was a kid. He wanted to access them and in order to do so, he had to type them. He had to learn how to spell them. He typed them into YouTube. Youtube was the biggest tool for him to develop his sense of comprehending what he was reading. He has had the ability to read and to spell a lot longer than he's had the ability to speak the words that he's typing, so it was actually a keyboard and YouTube that facilitated his advancement in that area for sure.

Shannon Chamberlin: 25:35

And his motivation to look all this stuff up was actually the cute little songs that are in all the shows and movies.

Jason: 25:43

Exactly.

Shannon Chamberlin: 25:44

Did you guys sing together or anything like that?

Jason: 25:47

We always sung together always and we still do. It's just something that we've always done and I think for him it's a place that feels real, real good, and for me, I love singing goofy songs with Jake and I know that it's very good for him to work out and exercise his speech, and it's the only way to do that without just looking at him and be like use your mouth use your words.

Shannon Chamberlin: 26:25

Singing songs with him is therapy, to enunciate certain words that used to be digga, digga, digga in a song, and if you guys ever want to check some of this out, it'll pull at your heartstrings. Fair warning. But you can check out my husband's YouTube channel. There's a lot of different stuff on there. We've done comedy skits and he plays music and all this. But we have a few videos of Jacob and dad singing songs from Jacob's favorite movies and they're very touching and you can really from Jacob's favorite movies and they're very touching and you can really watch Jacob kind of begin to blossom through each song.

Jason: 26:58

To be announced. I think I'm going to start a different one just for that.

Shannon Chamberlin: 27:01

He just informed me that he is thinking of just starting a new YouTube channel just for Jacob and Dad, because there's just so much entertainment on the regular channel but the current channel is Burnt From Birth. So if you just type your at and then burnt like toast from birth, that's the channel you can go and see it on, and I think I've posted a little snip of one of the videos on my Facebook as well. But it really does help and it really does bring Jacob back to center. You know, you hear from these so-called experts that these kids have no emotion, no attachment, they have no sense of anything actually human and that is so not true. You can see it.

Shannon Chamberlin: 27:43

If your kid has an attachment to anything, like our kid has an attachment to movies and shows and songs. It's really the memory that is formed from performing those things with his dad. I mean, he loves the movie and he loves the song, but his dad makes him love it more. It's a feeling, it's like when you remember being a kid and going to grandma's house and she had Christmas cookies cooking or whatever it was. There's a scent, a sound, a sight, and there's all these things that pile up together in your heart and they just warm your heart and you feel like you just got a big hug. Well, that's what Jacob looks like every time his dad engages in song with him, and they've always done it that way.

Shannon Chamberlin: 28:26

So that is the main. Just bring him back to center activity that they have, and I don't have that with him. You know, that's just something between them and I think it's really, really awesome. My thing is more of a like, a caress, a physical hug and a touch and a. You know, being a mommy, that's our bonding thing. But you've never seen a kid so happy as you see Jacob when he's singing songs with his dad. It's really amazing. So hopefully you guys have something like that for your kid.

Jason: 28:53

Yes, and I want to add to that by saying that it's important for us to take care of our mental health. It's a very challenging issue for so many of us. We have to sometimes dig extra deep to find out what we're grateful for.

Shannon Chamberlin: 29:05

When.

Jason: 29:06

I was taking Jake to Easter Seals for therapy. He was getting occupational therapy and speech therapy and things like that. You know you're on your way there and you're thinking, hmm, my five-year-old is going into therapy to learn how to pronounce a two-syllable word. You know that's what they're going to work on. Or thread a rope through large beads Okay, fine, motor skills are very challenging to them.

Jason: 29:27

You know it can be very easy to be like you know, gosh, this just kind of sucks. I feel bad that this is where we're at. We're five, six years old. We don't know how to zip a zipper, we don't know how to button a button, but every time I was exiting and I would see children with multi disabilities, children who couldn't walk, children who couldn't do anything physical that Jacob was able to do, how could I not feel so grateful, even if it takes that, it's important for us to realize and to acknowledge what we have, because some days you're just going to feel like you don't have anything at all and it's important for you to look around and be like.

Jason: 30:03

You know I can get through this. If they've got to do everything I got to do today, plus, they have to help their child go to the toilet. At least I don't have to do that. Some people have to help their child go to the toilet, but their child may speak very intelligently about their emotions. We all have our different sets of challenges, so it's important to acknowledge what we're grateful for to help us maintain what little sanity we sometimes have left.

Shannon Chamberlin: 30:26

Absolutely, and especially at this time of year. I know that here in the States it's winter, lack of sun, colder, very gray outside. All of that gives you the seasonal affective disorder, on top of all of the stuff that you deal with as a parent, because your child is dealing with all of this stuff that they have and it all comes out on you right. This is a time when we think back to maybe how life was in the past. There was a time, perhaps, when most of us felt that holidays were for family and that we could rely on our family and that our family loved our child. And it was almost that feeling of a village when everyone got together for the holidays. You didn't have to worry about your kid running around and doing something to someone or to themselves or whatever you know. We used to think, oh, this is great, I love when family's around, everyone's safe, everyone's happy. And then the cuteness wears off of the autism because the child gets older, bigger and more scary. And now, all of a sudden, holidays suck because we're alone, we can't rely on our family, we don't trust our family around our kid, we don't feel safe and it makes holidays that much harder. Last episode I kind of rattled off all my stuff that I was grateful for, but I do have one. One more piece of life that I am currently grateful for. It, of course, involves a little story. So the story starts back probably around last spring or summer.

Shannon Chamberlin: 31:52

I put a hand towel that was hanging in the bathroom and had fallen on the floor. I used it to clean up a mess on the floor and then I threw it in the dirty towel basket that's in the bathroom. Not my arrangement. I'm just following the way the house is set up by the people who set it up, because I am in their house, they're not in mine. The towel's dirty, that's where it goes. I come back in the bathroom probably an hour later and I see that same towel had been picked up out of the basket and hung back on the hook to be used as a hand towel. There's a good chance that my kid did this, because he understands that there was a towel there this morning. It looked like it was clean, and I never know where he's going to source the items that he needs, so there's always a little bit of a worry there.

Shannon Chamberlin: 32:37

I could go on with a bunch of different stories about this, but I instantly was a little freaked out because what if it was him? He just reached in there. That thing had been used to clean around the base of the toilet. I mean, I don't want him digging in there and picking it up and using it to dry his hands. Obviously I don't want anybody drying their hands with that towel. It's in the dirty basket.

Shannon Chamberlin: 32:56

So I have to go around the house and start asking who did this? Did somebody take the towel out and put it back on the hook? And, as a matter of fact, yes, I found out somebody did, and it was not my child, it was a full-grown man. His grandfather actually picked up a towel out of the filthy basket and put it back up on the hook. Hey, I'm not concerned for myself. I would know if a towel was dirty as soon as I touched it, and most of us in this house would. But I'm very concerned because my child loves to play in water and this is where he goes. And now you just put the toilet on my child's mouth. What the fuck? So that became a big learning point for the grandfather. I made a big deal of it. I showed him exactly where that towel had been used and exactly what my son does with his hands. When he washes his face and dries his hands, he then rubs everything all over himself. So the grandfather realized at that point and he actually admitted that was wrong of me. That was stupid of me. I have plenty of clean towels. That was the wrong thing to do. I understand. I won't do that anymore. So great, fantastic. I'm glad we could have a teachable moment, old man. So that's the beginning of the story.

Shannon Chamberlin: 34:09

Now fast forward to last week. I was giving Jacob a bath. I had just gotten done. I was gathering all of the items from the bathroom and distributing them to their rightful places throughout the house and as I was walking out with my hands full, I noticed that there was a dry washcloth on the floor in front of the linen closet. Here's a little side note on this linen closet. It's got stuff on the top shelves that has been there for probably 10 or 15 years and it actually has carpet in the bottom of it. That was there before this family moved here. They moved here about 35 years ago. Okay, it's also a little too narrow to be an actual regular closet and you can't even fit the vacuum cleaner head in there to clean it. Keep that in mind.

Shannon Chamberlin: 34:55

So I found this washcloth and I there was no way I could pick it up, and I didn't want to try to kick it down the hall and down the stairs and around the house until I got it down to the laundry area. I just said, well, I'll pick it up next time. And then, of course, next time. My hands were full again and I was walking by. I said, damn man, I got to pick that up because that incident is always running through my head. I don't trust that old man and I don't trust him to do the right thing. If he sees that rag, I don't trust him to put it in the dirty clothes. I don't believe that he will. So it's.

Shannon Chamberlin: 35:25

I feel it's my responsibility to pick up the stupid washcloth. It looks like it's clean too, and that makes it even more dangerous. It's almost completely folded and it's dry, and I think that's just enough for Tweedledum to screw up my whole program of cleanliness and wellness and safety with my son. So I was kicking myself like shit. I got to pick this up. I got to pick this up.

Shannon Chamberlin: 35:46

Well, then I got busy wherever I ended up in the house, and this just went on for the entire day. I wake up in the morning and the damn thing is still there. Now it's rolled up underneath the closet door, as the closet door had been shut by somebody. Usually it's the grandfather that likes to shut that door and not worry about what's on the floor. So I was like, okay, here I have to do this. But Jacob was awake. He had just come to me at the bathroom door and I needed to get his medicine.

Shannon Chamberlin: 36:14

So again, I didn't pick up the washcloth. I don't like touching things that are dirty if I have to do something clean with my hands right now. So my fault, I didn't do it. Yet I did make mental note, though like, okay, that is in a different spot. I got to keep my eye out just in case someone else sees that before I come back up here to pick it up.

Shannon Chamberlin: 36:32

Lo and behold, I came up there to pick it up and it was gone. So I was like, okay, let's check the dirty basket in the bathroom. Nope, it was not there, and I know because it's an off color and it doesn't match the rest of the stuff. And it wasn't there. So like, okay, great, let me go down to the basement and the laundry area and see if it's there. No, it's not there. So I go up to the linen closet that is still closed but there's no rag on the floor and I go through the little container that holds the washcloths. It's not in the top of the container. So I picked up the whole stack of clean washcloths and on the bottom, not even folded, it's picked up exactly the way. I remember it laying on the floor and it is set down in the bottom of this plastic bin with all the clean washcloths on top. Cuss words up and down freaked me out. I couldn't believe it.

Shannon Chamberlin: 37:29

I was already going through a thing of saying to my spouse hey, we need to stop using these towels because they smell. He washes them and they just stink, like a dirty dog, or like a dirty vacuum, to be more specific, and I couldn't figure out why. And then, just two days before this incident, I got a peek inside of his room, because he left his door open and sent my spouse in there for something, and I saw that right next to this basket of clean towels that he collected from the dryer and parked in his room so he could go sit and sleep in front of the TV. There is a vacuum two feet from it and he doesn't vacuum the house. Just wanted to give that a second to sink in.

Shannon Chamberlin: 38:11

So I was like, yeah, well, I have super sensitive skin. I don't think it's safe for me to use these towels and washcloths. I like them because they're right there next to the bathroom and I don't have to keep remembering to bring one of mine from downstairs every time I need to go in the bathroom. But you know, the convenience just isn't worth it if this is causing my skin issues. So I want to stop using these towels.

Shannon Chamberlin: 38:33

And then, son of a bitch, and then this happens. So I brought it to my spouse's attention and I told him exactly what happened and he's just speechless, you know. So, yeah, so I made the rule we are no longer using house towels and wash rags. My spouse is grossed out enough by this that he actually is adhering to this new rule. Normally he's just kind of like whatever and just does whatever he wants, but he is even grossed out by this. So I am grateful that I noticed it. I'm grateful that I already knew the pattern that probably existed within the old man to do that terrible thing to us, and I'm glad that I noticed that it all happened and that my spouse is on board to support the boycott of the towels in the house now.

Shannon Chamberlin: 39:14

So anyway, I guess that's. I'm grasping at straws here for gratitude this week, but that is my story of gratitude. I'm very grateful that I was on to him and that I knew it was going to happen and that I investigated it and that those dirty things did not touch my son's mouth or anywhere else on his body. It's just really disappointing when you have to babysit. Every single thing that goes on around your own life. My son would never know. I mean, anyway, whoo yeah, there's my story of family never letting us down. How about you? I'm hoping you have a story you can turn into a grateful experience as well. You hang in there. You're a superhero.