Ep. 23. Boundaries and Consistency

Parenting Severe Autism mom and podcast host Shannon Chamberlin shares some personal feelings and family stories about the need for boundaries and rules in their household, along with examples of how these things only work with consistency in enforcing them.  

Transcript

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

mouth, son, jaw, teeth, chew, gluten, grandfather, dad, thought, complaining, face, severe autism, food, consistent, understand, sleep, noises, consistency, rules, autism

SPEAKERS

Shannon (100%) 

Shannon Chamberlin

Hello and welcome to the Parenting Severe Autism podcast. I am your host Shannon Chamberlin. I'm so happy that you're here with me today. 
Today I'd like to focus on the importance of consistency in our household when dealing with things like personal space and other boundaries and rules that we try to set up so that we can maintain our sanity. 

For more information and interaction with this podcast, you can visit PSA_ short for parenting severe autism - psa.buzzsprout.com. There, you can find my show notes, transcripts for each episode, there's a donation program called buy me a coffee, so you can buy me a coffee for I think $1. And there's another program now by Buzzsprout, where you can become a subscriber and I think for like $3 a month you can subscribe. So if that sounds like fun to you, I will be coming up with some perks just for subscribers. And to start out, the first perks I can think of that are easy for me to do for you is that I will send you a personalized email thanking you and I'll give you a shout out on one of the next episodes. You can also find a link to check out some of the merch that has been created for this podcast. It's got my tag line on there and my podcast artwork. I think you can get travel mugs, water bottles, tote bags, throw pillows, T shirts, and sweatshirts and stuff- you might want to check that out sometime. You can also drop me a line, my email is listed on that page. And you can find the link to the Parenting Severe Autism Facebook page. 

So let's get into this! It's been almost a month since I posted an episode and I apologize. You know, I'm - I'm feeling like I'm really weak lately, as far as being able to handle things that this lifestyle throws at me. I'm really worn down and I'm tired. You know, there was something that sent me off a few weeks ago right after my last episode was posted, and I have had a really hard time recovering from it. And it's just simple and stupid. And the thing was, I went to see my acupuncturist, who I'm no longer seeing - not because of this, but a little bit because of it. He asked me why am I so irritable that I keep mentioning that the lifestyle built around my son's needs contributes to a lot of my anxiety and irritability. And I mentioned that it's because he has severe autism, and he's 22 years old, and it's just getting harder every day. Why?, He says. I said there's really no support for him at this time. And he says, Well, my son has autism, and we had to get him on medication recently because he was being abusive towards the staff at school. And I thought oh, good, so he understands. But no, he went on to say that that's not true. If your son has severe autism, then he qualifies for disability income. And if he qualifies for disability income, then he qualifies for home workers and things of that sort. And you qualify for respite care and all of these great things. And I was just shocked. I'm like, okay, so this person, even with a kid kind of like mine, is sitting there thinking that I'm wrong, there is help for our family and a 22 year old adult just means nothing, I must just be complaining about things that are easily solved. Like I haven't had any experience at all. So for some reason that sent me into an emotional spiral. And then when something like that happens, everything else that follows, I'm so sensitive to it, and I just I feel like it's all I can do to cope with everything. So I wasn't able to sit myself down and create a good podcast episode. I've made six recordings, but none of them were good enough to actually let people hear! Hopefully this one goes better. But I don't know, I guess I was insulted and shocked that someone would think that I'm just complaining to complain and that I haven't had any experience fulfilling my son's needs and that there's just all kinds of resources available for us, and maybe I should stop complaining and go get those, right? I couldn't believe it. 

Anyway, to counter that story. I have a little bit of a funny. Our son has actually been having a lot of I guess what I would call mini conversation breakthroughs. It's not necessarily things that most people would think are awesome, but we think they're awesome because we don't get that very often. So the funniest one, I think is that the grandfather likes to sleep in the middle of the house, in the middle of the day, between 9am and 1pm, he just loves to sleep in his recliner. There's only three main rooms, there's a kitchen, a living room and a dining room on the main floor. And he sleeps in the living room for hours and gets mad at my son during these prime hours of living when my son wants to flap and make noise and try to wake him up and poke him and just constantly have some sort of activity going on. So needless to say, my spouse and I get really pissed off when that happens, and it happens a lot. It's kind of a daily thing, and it's kind of a race against time to see who can take over the living room first. And even if our son is using the living room actively, this man will just shut it down to stretch out in his ch air, and I will say something and he will be like, Oh, no, I'm not sleeping, I'm just sitting here. 30 minutes later, he's asleep. And he's bitching at my son for trying to interact with him. And it's just so frustrating. This one day, a couple of weeks ago, the man was sleeping in the chair, and our son knows - I've never kept it secret that I disapprove of this behavior, and it's been going on for years and years, even before we lived here, he would come to our house and do the same thing. And I would always tell Jacob do what you want to do make the noise you want to make live your life. That's not where people are supposed to sleep, if he wants to sleep, he can go to bed. And so our son knows that. He saw him sleeping, all he had to do was look at me, he's been with me long enough and more than anyone else, and often enough to know, just by looking at me, he can read my facial expression or my body language, and he can tell whether he's going to be protected in an attack on his grandfather, or whether he should just keep his mouth shut. So he could see that I was very displeased with the situation, and he took that to mean that he can go in there and mess around with man. And so he goes in there, he says grandpa wake up. I'm in the kitchen doing some dishes. And I just kind of giggled a little bit, and I don't know if he heard me or not, but he does seem to have supersonic hearing, so maybe he heard me giggle and he just kept going - pokes him in the shoulder and says Wake up, you old bastard!
He didn't learn that from me. I don't know where - he probably got it from his grandfather, they have a very strange banter back and forth all the time, his grandfather spend so much time with him, he could be a really good influence, but he doesn't care. So he's not a good influence. And it causes our son to learn things that I would prefer not to have him say and a lot of times I can help him understand that that's not something we say at school, or that's not something we're ever gonna say at camp, you can only say that with your Papaw, and he seems to understand that. But then there are other times when I'm not able to get that through to him or he just refuses to accept it. And he'll take these words he learns from his grandfather and just spew them out anywhere at any time. And it's really embarrassing, but that's just the relationship that they have. And I thought that was really funny that he just called him an old bastard. I don't mind if he swears, I cuss like a pirate, okay, but his the words that he uses are not my words, he chooses to use his grandfather's words, which are much more offensive, and should be probably never said outside of the home. So I that really irritates me. But also, it's funny when he gives it back to his grandfather. 
I mentioned in my last episode about personal space that our son likes to get right up in your face, toe to toe, nose to nose and he just doesn't stop. And it's really annoying, even for me and his dad, and we love him and live with him. So when he gets in the faces of our friends, neighbors or complete strangers, it's really unnerving. And there's really not much we can do about it. But we are constantly working on it with him. So I'm trying to consistently keep him an arm's length plus extended fingers distance from me at all times, so that he gets used to not coming into people's personal space. I don't like it, and I love him. So when he does it to some-- like the security guard at my workplace, the security guard was getting ready to tase him! And that is the thing that I worry about. They have never met him before - now they know him and they understand, but they didn't know he was coming, and I didn't know he was going to be there getting in their faces. It was a beautiful day outside, and it just happened the other day, and my husband almost had to drop the security guard because the security guard almost had to drop my kid because he didn't know and he didn't have any sort of education about what a special person is and how a special person may be dressed and how a special person may be acting. So that was almost disastrous. So I think the consistency of keeping my son an arm's length away from me at all times is a very important exercise. It doesn't have as much weight with him if it's Just me, you understand, I really need everyone in the family and all of the family friends that come over to engage in the same consistency and the same rule of Hey, buddy, give me some space and give them an arm's length between them. And I'm trying to get everyone on board, but it's really hard. Everyone wants to be very kind, even, you know, people who have known him forever. And they just they don't understand the importance of doing what I ask them to do, instead of being Oh, you know, I love him, I accept him. It's totally fine. But it's not fine. Get in touch with yourself and tell me that you're comfortable with a 22 year old man getting right in your face while you're sitting in a chair, and he's standing up... you're not face to face, you're junk to face! How do you like that? And I just need people to get on board. 
One of the very first examples I can think of where consistency mattered and bit us in the ass because no one was being consistent was when we lived in Wisconsin at that beautiful home and property I've mentioned and we had some family members who came and they wanted to camp for a couple of weeks in the woods. And we had a beautiful spot back there, so we let them go set up. They had tables, they had snacks, they had the grill and firepit and everything set up and all these tents and stuff, and it was getting ready to be pretty cool. But it was still the first day of setup. We all rode the four wheelers out to the spot in the woods to check on the camp, and they were still setting up all of their food and drinks and all of the stuff that they had. And we had just started this gluten free thing. The gluten free was very difficult, it took years to work up to and we finally cut the ties with gluten, and it was maybe a month ahead of this camping trip, and it's just very important to keep it going. And I had noticed the difference because we had been experimenting a little bit before we went full on no gluten, we just wanted to make sure that it was going to make a difference. Because if not, why go through all of that trouble, right? So we had experimented back and forth no gluten for a time, then a little bit of gluten and then no gluten for a time - just to see. And yes, we did notice a drastic difference in his behaviors. So we thought, well, we better go gluten free then because it seems like he's much happier without gluten in his life. This was a big step. 

So back to the camping site, we get out there. And the grandfather, of course is there with the rest of the relatives that are hanging out with him. And he has a big flat full of extra large Texas sized honeybuns. Nothing but gluten and sugar, right? And he left them out on the table, and I'm pretty sure he did it on purpose because this was back when everyone still thought this autism was cute, and they thought that if they could get him worked up about stuff, you know, he'll flap and dance and hum and stim and do all the funny things that make them giggle. So for their own entertainment, they bring food that they know he is not allowed to eat and instead of hiding it under the table or wherever I asked for them to hide it, they left it out right there in plain sight. And I asked them repeatedly, please remove that from his site. When he's not looking, you have to move those. He's going to obsess over them. And they like it when he obsesses over stuff. I told his Dad Hey, tell your people to hide that shit, now. I am tired of mentioning it. Jacob is freaking out about it. He's obsessed over it. He keeps trying to steal them. And he's not supposed to have gluten remember? Yeah. So I dropped it. I went and did things that I had to get done, and a little while later, my son was acting like a complete maniac and I couldn't figure out why. So I'm back there at the campsite. The honey buns are completely out of sight now, everything looks okay. And he's acting like a psycho. And I'm like, Well, I don't know what's going on. And my son's dad admits to me that he told his dad who is the Papaw, that yeah, you might as well give him one. You can give him one because he's obsessed over it and he's not going to stop and it should be okay. And I was livid. Like, why would you do that? And he's like, Well, the rule we follow for healthy diet is 80/20. I said but not for gluten! And that was the last time that I had to deal with his dad not being completely supportive and on board and consistent with the gluten.

So, it was a really bad situation for our son and when he gets a hold of stuff like that, it takes a good two weeks for him to detox. His back breaks out really bad, and his emotions are all over the place. And I don't know if you remember from my food episode, I mentioned there that I learned a long time ago that for someone with autism, such as our son's, gluten in his system creates an environment just like heroin would. It's an addictive substance. It makes him very, very elated and high and very, very crashed and tired and very, very addicted and seeking that next high,  just seeking it and seeking it and seeking it. And he is like a heroin addict with gluten. No, that's not okay to not be consistent. If you're not going to have gluten, then you're not going to have gluten. And it's very important, otherwise, you're wasting your effort, and you're wasting your money because it is an absolute poisonous drug. So that's the first instance and the first story that I can think of. 
But boundaries and rules have been very important in our lives with our son. When I first met these guys, I was just kind of sitting back for a while and thinking, Well, I'd better just observe and see how Dad and son interact and how this life is all set up. I don't know anything about raising kids, I don't know anything about autism. And his dad's been through all this stuff with him so far, up to six years old. So I'm just going to observe and see where I can help and where I fit into this thing. And I don't want to jump in and assume that I have a position here because I don't know what I'm doing. So I was very hands off, I would do research and share it with dad and we would make decisions together. But generally, as far as just the way he was being raised, I just was hands off with that, because that's really not my business at that point. I just wanted to fit in and support dad in his decisions. 

There came a time when I had to start asking if we could make some rules, because one of the things that really irritated me was that the kid didn't have a bedtime, and that's fine, you know, if he's tired, he'll go to sleep, I guess. But as far as my nervous system and my quiet time and my adult needs for myself, it wasn't working for me. I can't have this babbling going on all day, all the way up until the time I go to bed. And I asked him how come he doesn't have a bedtime? Well, he just goes to bed when I go to bed. Yeah, I know. But it's not working. It's really not great. Honestly, we need adult time, Even though he's not with us all the time, and he's in his room, he's still very loud. He's got the same babble all day long. I'm with him all day. And now I'm trying to unwind and get ready for my bedtime, and I'm still listening to this incessant babble, and I need a break. So can we please get him accustomed to going to bed around nine o'clock, is that fair? And so that was our first rule, was give the boy a solid bedtime. It's not too much to ask to have a little bit of adult time and quiet time without all of this autism going on all the time. We deserve a little bit of silence or whatever it is that we're seeking, because we cater to him all day long. So that began and that wasn't too hard. He didn't really care. 

The next thing that we had to overcome was the co-sleeping. He's a very violent sleeper, I just couldn't handle getting beat up all night. So that was another thing. That was a lot harder than just the actual bedtime. He would go in his bed. But as soon as we were in bed, he would want to co-sleep with us. And then you know, he would put him back in his bed, and then he'd come back to our bed and then his dad would put him back in his bed, and he'd come...and we would do this for probably an hour. And then he would sleep in his bed, but then he would pee in the bed. And then he would just jump out of the bed and not change or anything, he would just run and get in our bed. So gross. 

After that, he was pretty good for a while. But then all of a sudden, I guess he would probably be about 11, he started just coming into the kitchen, screaming and whining and doing all these crazy noises and stuff. And hey, I'm just trying to be quiet and maintain and not get a headache while I'm up so early. There are things that I will not tolerate, and I think it's fair. And I don't think that it's out of line to enforce certain rules and boundaries about that. You know, these high-pitched screams and hisses and just imitating broken glass and all of this first thing in the morning, as soon as you come into the kitchen... I just tried to reason with him, and it just got worse. And I just got to a point very quickly, where he would come in and start making those noises, I wouldn't even look at him, and I would just very loudly and firmly say, "No." And then he would stop. So that worked out for a few more years. And then he got louder and shriekier and harder for me to deal with and tolerate. It went from that solid, short 'No.' to more of a long, drawn out, "NOOO!", but it was still just No. And he knows what that means. And I did it long enough and consistently enough that his dad picked up on it, and he knew what that meant, too so he began to say the no for me. I didn't even have to deal with it. So that was nice. And that was teamwork. And that's what we needed. If his dad wouldn't have reinforced that with him and backed me up then he would have thought that, "Well I can do it all the way up until she tells me I can't, and if he's not going to tell me I can't maybe I can push it with her even after she tells me" And I know that's true because it's happened with other things. So I'm really grateful that we got on the same page about that because his noises in a dark kitchen first thing in the morning while I'm trying to take care of him and be nice to him and give up my needs for his own, that kind of thing can give me an instant migraine and it can last for days. So I don't think that I should have to tolerate that. 
And there are a lot of things that I don't think I should have to tolerate. Just because he has outbursts, and just because he wants to do these things, I don't think it's fair to expect me or anyone else to just lay down and tolerate it. Everyone deserves a certain quality of life. And we all have to just kind of learn to flow and get along. That's how I see it, and it's been really good for us. 

The newest round of issues with consistency has been really aggravating. It's another thing that has really gotten me down over the past four or five weeks, honestly. And it's revolving around our son's dental work, and his mouth in general. Back in September, October of '22, when he started having pain from impacted molars, we tried to teach him to 'chew the food on the side of your face that does not hurt.' He seemed to understand. On the outside looking in, he seemed to understand. However, I'm not in his mouth, I don't know exactly how he's doing it in there. But he would visibly move his whole mouth over to one side of his face, and I thought that was just him trying to figure it out and learn how to do what we're telling him to do. And he nodded yes, I understand. Yes, this is working. So we just kind of left it at that and always reminded him to put his food on the left side at that time, because the right side was hurting. He did that. And then in November, he got his oral surgery and got all of those wisdoms removed. For like a week and a half or two weeks, he had liquid foods. So he didn't have to worry about putting food on one side or the other. We went a little over the recommended time, like I mentioned before, because of his special needs and inability to comprehend things. And then we get back to chewing food, and he's still putting his entire lips over to the left side of his face. And it was really amazing, I can't do it, I keep trying to imitate it, there's no way I can do it, he's really got it all the way over there. I mean, he can almost kiss his ear lobe. It's amazing how rubbery this face of his is. However, it's not just the mouth, he's moving his lower jaw over to the left. And it's  -if you part his lips and look at his teeth, he's got the top row of teeth on the right side right where they should be, the bottom row of teeth on the right side is lined up with the center of his mouth underneath his nose. And then he's got another row of teeth, which would be his top left. And then on the other side of that row of teeth, he's got his bottom left! He's got his jaw moved that far over, okay? And ever since he started eating again, he's been complaining of mouth pain. Now at first we thought, Oh, it's this tooth on the right, because he said the right side of his face hurts. So we get him under anesthesia again. And I mean, we're going broke here with all of this dental work because it's not covered under his insurance. Nobody accepts this disability insurance that he has, so --  nobody but his primary care. So it's really good. So they've got him under anesthesia, he gets his two fillings, and within a few days, he's complaining that his mouth hurts and all the while I'm trying to let him know your teeth are fixed, now. You don't have to chew on one side, you can put your mouth back to where it's supposed to be. And he is seeming to refuse to do it. It's been really aggravating, but he continues to complain about pain in his mouth. So at first I was like, well, it's only been three days since the fillings, and he got injections in his mouth, so maybe his injection sites are sore. Let's give it a few more days? And we agreed that that's probably the logical thing to do. And he's still complaining after seven days of this and we get an emergency appointment to go to the dentist. I told him I don't care if you have to take an x ray or what but his mouth hurts, and I don't know. I don't know if he's being a hypochondriac or if he actually has something wrong. I don't know what's going on. Please look at your work, see if it stickin' there and make sure everything else is okay. The dentist says everything looks perfect. There's nothing wrong with his teeth or his gums. So then we come home and I really start hammering on you've got to put your mouth on straight. I don't know  any other way to say it. It's really, really askew and he just is refusing to do it. It's like he doesn't know how. Once we ruled out the possibility that there was another dental problem. Now I'm looking more at a behavioral problem. I think that it's something he has done and because he is very, I don't know, neurotic and obsessive and repetitive, and it's not good for the body to do the things that he does as consistently as he does them. So I look at it that way. So his dad is thinking, This poor guy. He had him open his jaw real wide, and then close it. Now, when I observe him doing that, I see the same thing happen. But  I see a different reason for it. 

My spouse, when he opens his jaw real wide, like a yawn or something, and then the mouth is closing his jaw will kind of wiggle from side to side on the way up, and he's got a jaw issue. It's like TMJ or something, and he was informed about that by a doctor and chiropractor years and years ago, and he does experience some really scary situations with his jaw malfunctioning every once in a while. So he's got that. I just have observation. That's it. And I've been observing this child for a very long time. And I see things differently. So we both see him open his mouth, and we both see it halfway up, switch over to the side, and then close. His dad thinks, oh, shit, it's TMJ. I think I see something flicker in his eyes while he's closing his mouth, and it's a - it's a glimmer of 'Ohp! Don't close your mouth all the way like that, put it over to the side, because they told you to!' You see, I think that I'm seeing this look in his eyes while his jaw is on the way up, and he is, I don't know, he's mechanically making it do it, because he thinks that's what he's supposed to do. Because he got so accustomed to having to chew his food on one side of his mouth. And now I realize that he wasn't necessarily chewing his food on one side of his mouth, he was just putting his chin over there, and who knows about the food because I'll tell you another thing. He's been really constipated, having a lot of hard times eliminating waste from his bowels. And it's only been since the whole tooth thing started. He only needed to chew on one side of his face for like, I don't know, a month, you know, before we could get him in anywhere and get that done. But that was back in, let's say October. And right now it's April! And I don't see a reason for him to be doing that anymore. You know, after 22 years on Earth, and most of those years eating functionally, why is it so hard to go back to eating the way you've always eaten when you just had a small window of time where it didn't work that way, and you had to do it differently? I will say that I have had to chew on one side of my mouth for several months. And yes, once I got the tooth fixed, it was hard to remember that I could use both sides of the mouth. So I understand that. But I mean, can't you at least try to do what I'm asking, Can you at least try to put your mouth back where it's supposed to be?? And this is a constant fight between me and my kid. My spouse and I are also disagreeing constantly. We're constantly going through this and I am constantly asking him, I understand what happens to your jaw. I know, I get it, Okay? But let's just consider the possibility that that's not the problem with him. Let's just consider that if we both try to be consistent, insisting that he lines his jaw up properly, we might get results. Can we just try it? I mean, can we at least insist that he does not put his jaw all the way on the other side of his face and see if it makes a difference? You can chew just fine. You don't have to put your whole jaw on the other side of your face, just because you have a wiggle in your jaw. You can eat like a normal person. So why can't he eat like normal? What is --  it doesn't make any sense to me. I am very practical about it. And it's been really hard for me to deal with the stress that his dad is under thinking that he's got TMJ and the stress that I am under because the kid fights with me every time I ask him to do it. He punishes me because he knows what I want him to do, and instead of just doing it or ignoring me or whatever, just peacefully, no. No, he's going to freak out every single time, start stomping and yelling and cussing and flapping and all of the things, just to make everything suck. And all I want to do is help him. 

So the other day - this has been going on for weeks - the other day, we all went out to our one restaurant tha t we can at out in this area and we celebrated a few different things. This was a belated birthday dinner for our son. It was a belated celebration for my spouse's YouTube channel getting 3000 hits and it was a belated celebration for my podcast, getting 1000 downloads. So we all just celebrated everything with one meal and it was delightful. We got to sit outside and enjoy it and our son was very cool, but he still wouldn't eat properly and I've had to tell him just all kinds of weird things to try to get - you know... your food is poop. You know, I've had to tell him that because he's like, Oh, my butt hurts. And I'm like, chew your food. And he's like, whatever, you know, and I'm trying to get him - food is poop. That's... you have to smoosh it up in order to get it out. And he looked at me like, oh, wow, what ?You know. So he made that connection a few weeks ago, and I just try everything. And you have to be really graphic and gross about it, because he doesn't get it otherwise, you know, you have to just lay it out there like that. So we're at the restaurant, and he's got this, you know, misaligned jaw going on. And he's trying to eat and he's telling me his mouth hurts. And I keep telling him very kindly and quietly across the table in this busy patio area, the reason your mouth hurts is because you've got your chin like that you can't chew like that. It's not natural. And what's happening is your top teeth are cutting into the bottom hinge of your jaw and gums. Because you're not lining up your teeth right, your teeth are supposed to touch teeth, not tissue. And he just, he just won't cooperate. And I can't push it too hard, because we're out in public, but I have to be consistent, and I can never let it go. Because if I do, he takes that to mean that I'm done. That's amazing. But it's true. I constantly have to harp on him, no matter what it is, I have to remain consistent in every situation, I have to stick to my guns and just stay consistent. No matter where we are, no matter what we're doing. If it's the same issue, I have to have the same stand on it every single time no matter what. So here we are, I'm on the patio, I'm trying to be consistent with that, but also trying to just drop it, I'll say my piece and drop it over and over again, you know, but when we got home, I sat down in front of him, he was on the couch and he was complaining that his mouth hurt and I had him you know, look at my teeth and look at his teeth. And I keep trying you know, open your mouth and close your mouth and I keep chomping my teeth together. And he's not getting it. He just doesn't understand what I'm trying to say. And I don't know how to get him to understand and believe that I'm right that your teeth have to touch you can't chew your food with your teeth misaligned like that. There's no freakin way that it works. And I was really pissed because he swallowed whole chunks of chicken over there. We got him everything soft to eat, but the chicken was a little over grilled. And it was a little tough. And it couldn't you couldn't even cut it really it was... It wasn't that great. But he was just swallowing it whole. And I kept even asking him to use his fingers and pick it apart and he wouldn't do it. And he's just swallowing whole tenders of chicken. I was very upset. So I was addressing that on the couch with him. And I finally got him to line his jaw up properly. And I put my thumb and middle finger around his face, you know and squeezed very lightly on each side of his jaw. And I could feel on the right hand side down on the lower back hinge area of the jaw where that tissue is it felt like I don't know, a big mess of hamburger. It just felt terrible on the outside of his face. I didn't stick my fingers in his mouth, but it felt very torn up almost the size of a silver dollar. And I said, Do you feel that? And I again illustrated for him as graphically as I could that his top teeth are cutting the bottom of his mouth and that's why it hurts and that there's nothing wrong with his teeth. The doctor said so. He doesn't like that, he got really pissed off at the dentist when the dentist said everything's perfect, there's nothing wrong. He was pissed. And anyway, I'm dealing with that on the couch. And I explained it in such a way that it looked like it registered. It looked like he got it. 

Then we went for a walk and he caught me off guard. We were just getting ready to leave for the walk. And I turned around and he was standing there with his mouth beautifully lined up, perfect face, just perfect. And I got excited. I've tried everything. I have tried to say yes, that's perfect. Yes. That's great. That's exactly right. Perfect. You're doing great, you're perfect. Everything's great. Nothing has worked until I got surprised and got a little more excited than I had been. And as I've mentioned before, the only way to really get anything out of him is to be over the top. It's very exhausting. I have been a little bit off my game on that. Anyway, I turned around and saw that and I got instantly excited. I said Oh, look at you with your perfect face! And he loved it. And ever since then he's been holding his jaw exactly right. Except when he turns around, he thinks no one's looking then he'll put it back but now he when he's face to face with me or his dad, he'll put his jaw on straight. It's a beautiful thing and I keep telling him you're going to feel so much better you just keep doing that and in a couple of days that ouchy is going to be gone. 

And then we looked in his mouth because his dad was still really concerned that there was something wrong and I told him what I felt and he got some gloves and my dental mirror and flashlight and looked in there and opened up his cheek a little bit you know and didn't see anything. There was nothing anywhere, the teeth are fine. He tapped on all the teeth and there was no bad reaction there, and now his dad is convinced to that it's not your teeth at least and maybe we should try making sure your mouth lines up. So finally we're getting on the same page. But now the thing is he's lining up his teeth properly, but he's pushing the food into the middle of his mouth and just trying to crush it with his tongue and he's not freaking chewing it. Oh, I'm so exhausted! Just chew the freakin food. I don't understand why it's so hard. So that's where I'm at. 
But consistency I believe is the key and I think that boundaries are also very important and I think that we should always have boundaries set up. Boundaries are for safety, boundaries are for sanity, and I will illustrate both in my next episode. Until then, when you have some tough times this month, remember you're not alone. If you haven't already, maybe give it a try, setting up some boundaries and having some rules about things that you just will not tolerate because it's your life, too. 

You hang in there. You're a superhero.