EP. 30. Finding Laughter Amid Autism Struggles

Welcome, friends, to another episode where we unmask severe autism, one layer at a time. What do you do when your child develops a new tick - like trying to talk with his mouth closed? Well, that's the recent challenge we've been facing with our son. Aside from the obvious communication difficulties this poses, it's also just one of many OCD tendencies he exhibits - tendencies that the medical field often dismisses as mere byproducts of autism. But we're not letting that deter us. It's our hope that, by sharing our experiences and challenges, we can offer a beacon of support and help to others on this journey. 

As we navigate our way through this maze of parenting a child with severe autism, we've come to realize how important it is to question behaviors. Is it medical? Is it a side effect of medication? Or is it just a coping mechanism? This episode delves into these questions, as we explore the highs and lows, the fears and hopes, and the sheer complexities of understanding and managing our son's behaviors. We also explore the healthcare system's role in this journey, and the challenges it poses. 

But it's not all doom and gloom. Amid these challenges, we've also found moments of joy and laughter.  From his obliviousness to his demands for a Halloween costume, each day brings new experiences and learnings. And despite the tough decisions, like potentially moving for better care or managing our financial situation, we're here, taking it one day, one laugh, one challenge at a time. So, join us as we share our stories, our fears, our hopes, and our laughter, and remember, we're in this journey together.

Transcript

Shannon Chamberlin: 0:19

Hello and welcome to the Parenting Severe Autism Podcast. I am your host, Shannon Chamberlin. I'm so happy that you're here with me today. Before I get started, I need to remind everyone if you would like to support this podcast, I have a number of ways in which you can do so. I always forget to say this, it seems like! You can, of course, just send me nice messages. I have been getting a lot of really nice messages lately and that is so valuable to me. It doesn't even have to be attached to a tip or a purchase or anything like that.

Shannon Chamberlin: 0:52

My podcast is starting to gain some ground now and I've really been getting a lot of new followers on my Facebook page and a lot of good messages from other parents. If you are one of those parents, I just thank you so much. It really means a lot to me to know that this podcast in some way helps you. Mainly, my goal is always to just let others know that they're not alone and to try to get some of the problems that we've experienced out there for other parents to hear about before they deal with that problem, because when you're blindsided by these problems over and over and over again, one right after the other, this lifestyle is even harder than it already was to begin with. I hope that that is working and getting to some of you before the problems come up. Obviously, the problems won't be verbatim exactly the same problem that I experienced but hopefully it just stays in the back of your mind. When something happens you're like oh yeah, I heard about this. Otherwise, though, you can buy me a coffee, you can check out some of my merch.

Shannon Chamberlin: 2:06

I've made some thoughtful merchandise. It's not just hey, here's this podcast. I've got things that I think are kind of emotionally sensory for us as parents. I've got little throw pillows, really great for holding up to your face and screaming loudly into. Of course, I've got little motivational messages on the pillows and the coffee mugs and stuff, along with the podcast logo, so you can enjoy those. Just trying to offer support in merchandise, I've put a lot of thought into the merchandise. If you do see something you like, or if you would like something that you don't see, let me know and we can work that out. Otherwise, I also have affiliate links posted in the transcript, I think, of every episode. I'm not even sure what other things you can do to support this podcast, but I know you can tip me or buy me a coffee or buy some merchandise or use my affiliate links, and I do make a small commission off of that. Any support is greatly appreciated.

Shannon Chamberlin: 3:06

It costs me like a dollar a day to run this podcast, so I'm not really in over my head. I don't do any advertising. I want to. I've got a little money saved up for it. But really I want to get my book published. I have that book coming out. I just stopped dead in my tracks when it came time to publish. I am just absolutely overwhelmed by that and I just don't even know what to do. That's where my focus is right now. You can head on over to psazsproutcom and check out all of the links available to support the podcast there. You can send me a message through the Facebook Messenger. I can't guarantee that I'll get it on time. Sometimes I'm a few days behind. I don't really get online that often anymore, believe it or not. I'll tell you why in a little while. But you can also send me an email at contactparentingsevereautismatgmailcom.

Shannon Chamberlin: 3:59

I recently heard from a mental health professional that I'm going to have on the show soon, helping caregivers. That should be an upcoming episode. I'm a little foggy on the details right now, but it is coming up. I've talked to my husband about doing the next episode, so he's excited about that. If you have any questions for my husband as a dad as he was a single father when all of this happened, with the diagnosis and everything, and he did all of that educational advocacy for his son all by himself if you have any questions on any of that early stuff or anything moving forward into the teens and twenties, please email me your questions and I'll make sure to include your questions in the interview with dad Today.

Shannon Chamberlin: 4:45

As I said in my last episode, I want to talk about some stuff that my son has been doing, that's really bothering me and I'm not quite sure what to think about it. It all started with that dental issue and this is now going on for one whole year and his teeth are now fine and he's still doing this stuff and it's just like another tick that he's developed and he refuses to let it go. But it goes along with a bunch of other stuff that I'm really concerned about and I never can get any action or answers because, as you know, everything seems to be oh, it's just because he's autistic, when you try to get help in the healthcare field.

Shannon Chamberlin: 5:26

So what is going on right now, that he's been doing since oh, like December or January, is he's trying to talk with his mouth closed, and it drives me absolutely crazy because I mean he can't talk that well anyway. So now it's just impossible to understand what he is saying and I just I don't even know how to approach it anymore. He's curling his lips over his teeth and trying to talk without moving his jaw, and there's no reason for it. His jaw doesn't hurt, that I can tell. There's no swelling, he's not out of alignment, his teeth are fine.

Shannon Chamberlin: 6:06

Again, he's just, in my opinion, he's just being a psycho brat and he won't let it go, and it's just one of his OCD things. You know, when he gets real mad he'll run up the stairs and go flush the toilet and then run back, you know, through the house, and so I really think it's one of those things. But I get so mad at him and I'm trying to be hard on him about it because I know he can do better. Yes, he lost his speech when he was 15, but I know that he can do better and I keep trying to tell him. See, I learned when he was about 13 or 14,

Shannon Chamberlin: 6:42

One of the videos I found on YouTube was that it is recommended by this specific doctor of whatever you know I don't I don't know who it was, but this lady said that you know, you should tell the child how whatever they're doing makes you feel, or basically, in a nutshell, you should tell them about themselves. And I was very happy to hear that, because I think that we should not have to suffer through this silently. I think that if we think there is room for improvement and we believe in this child that he can do it, he should know about it. And so I just took that piece of information and ran with it all those years ago. We're going on 10 years ago now and I just I tell him about himself. You know, I tell him when you act like this, it makes me feel like this, and I'll use pictures and I'll use the face chart and I'll use whatever I can. But he does generally understand the meaning of words, so I don't always need pictures and stuff like that to communicate with him.

Shannon Chamberlin: 7:43

The problem that we're having is that we're not all on the same page. Not everyone is on board. There are four adults in this house who are not disabled, and I'm the only one who's hard on him about this talking thing. His grandfather will jump on board that train with me and I'm happy about it. Most of the time I don't like when he interjects or talks to my son that way about things, but this is different. This is something he can help. This is something that he's doing on his own and that I know he can do better, because he does better when it's just me and him.

Shannon Chamberlin: 8:23

But he has the upper hand here because there is still the risk of violence, destruction, eloping and just general migraine inducing behavior. His dad won't deal with it. He won't approach it. He'll just let him talk this way because he needs to choose his battles. I was like, yeah, but it's breaking you down. You can't let him run your life.

Shannon Chamberlin: 8:49

This sucks because he gets used to that behavior being okay with dad, even though he knows his dad hates it and he knows he's givin' his dad a headache and he knows he's pushing him to where he can't function at all. He knows all of this stuff. He can see it on his dad. He can see it on people. He is not dumb. He is not oblivious to the damage he inflicts on your psyche. He sees what's going on and he does it anyway.

Shannon Chamberlin: 9:17

But why does he do it? Because no one tells him to stop. I ask his dad why don't you tell him to stop? Why do you put up with that? Why do you allow him to do that? It's simply because, like I said, if you try to correct him and have him behave properly or use his brain or try to put in any effort to function and do things like a 23-year-old able-bodied man, you run the risk of him destroying everything or attacking you or attacking himself or just simply running away out in the street the way that he does. And I think that he knows that we're afraid of all that and he just exploits it and it's not fair and it sucks.

Shannon Chamberlin: 9:59

So I'm hard on him. I tell him I won't respond to him when he speaks to me like that and if he continues bothering me that same way, I will tell him why I'm not responding. I will also work with him on it. I'll make him use his lips and his tongue and form the words, but it's. I mean, I'm not even going to try to make you listen to it, but go ahead and try to wrap your lips around your teeth top and bottom and not move your jaw and then talk. That is what we're dealing with for almost a full year, and I am. I just cannot stand it.

Shannon Chamberlin: 10:33

Now there are other parents in this online severe autism parent group who have also been saying the same thing about their children. And guess what? Those children are also 23 years old. My son's coming up on 23 next month. So I'm a little freaked out by that, because all of the input from other parents and the reporting parents is stuff that is like, oh, you need to have their brain scanned. You may be dealing with encephalitis, you may be dealing with autistic catatonia and all kinds of things. You know, just all kinds of different things can be attached to this. And what makes me even more worried is that he's also almost every day, nonstop complaining about not feeling good and always holding his head, so encephalitis, always having a headache. You know I'm nervous about this. Now I just had his levels tested within the past eight months. I just had his blood done. I just had everything done the best that I could order. The only thing the doctor said was well, he might be a little low in vitamin C, but it's not really a reliable reading. So you'll probably be OK, but if you want, you could get him some vitamin C gummies. That's it Now. The flip side of that is the medicine that he's on. All three of those medicines say that one of the side effects could be dry mouth and headache. So there's that, ok.

Shannon Chamberlin: 12:03

The other part of the second side of the coin, I guess, is that he only seems to complain of not feeling good and holding his head and being a baby like that. When we expect something of him, it's happening. When we're we're fine in the car, we arrive at a new place. Now he sees he's got to get out of the car and adjust to his surroundings, even though he might be used to going to those places. If we could be at a grocery store, we could be at a park, either way he does the same thing. As soon as we pull up and shut the car off, oh, I don't feel good, I have a headache and he's - I don't know he's.. I think he's just trying to get out of whatever it is and we're just like, oh, you'll be fine. And sometimes he's fine and other times he's not fine at all and I can't tell which way it's going to go, and because he's such a hypochondriac, I never know when it's true, he's always crying wolf, I never know.

Shannon Chamberlin: 12:57

And this has been going on since he was about 10 or 11. When he started just randomly having headaches, every time we would do something, something he didn't want to do, like we arrived at school for the the open house, you know and that was when I first realized that he was using this as a tool to get out of stuff. And, like I said in a different episode a while back, my answer has always been oh, drink some water, you'll be fine. Because I never believed him because of the circumstantial way that it happened, I guess. I don't know if that's the right thing to say, but I am just, I'm at a loss. I don't know if this is a medical issue that hasn't been dealt with. I don't know if it's a side effect of the medicine that he takes. I don't know if he's just faking it and I don't know what to do because of all of this.

Shannon Chamberlin: 13:46

I think that if he did have autism catatonia he actually had that when he was about 15 and 16 and nobody did anything about it, but we had a lot of therapy, but he would just stand in his room about three inches from the wall and shuffle his feet back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, but not move. He would just shuffle his feet and he would do this for hours. And if we tried to jar him out of that and get him to go outside or go do something fun that he used to enjoy, it wouldn't work. He wouldn't do it. And the lady, the autism whisperer I mentioned a while back, said that this is because he's in his autism bubble. And when he's in his autism bubble, that's all he has to do. He doesn't want to try, he doesn't want to improve, he doesn't want to do anything that's required of him as far as advancing as a human. He just wants to be staring at the wall, shuffling his feet and mumbling. That's where he's happiest and that breaks my heart. But that's what's been going on.

Shannon Chamberlin: 14:50

It started around I don't know 15 probably and went on for a long time. Now he doesn't do that as much. But instead here's the other thing that goes along with it. That is really disturbing to me. He'll screw up his speech so much that the one phrase he says all day, every two seconds, every day, nonstop, cannot be understood. He knows it and he'll instantly repeat it a little bit better. So, man, okay, I just I have to try to reenact this for you real quick and I apologize because it sucks, but this is what I'm talking about.

Shannon Chamberlin: 15:29

He'll come up to his dad, and only his dad. He won't do this to me because I won't stand for it, but he will come up to his dad with his tongue hanging out of his mouth. Okay, just slack - jawed, tongue hanging out, and he'll go - and we're nose to nose at this point. He is nose to nose with his dad First thing in the morning at coffee and all day after that. And this is what he says (mumbling repeatedly) Okay, so that last one, I rolled my lips over my teeth. That's how bad he is now. So he'll start out with I love you dad, but it's not it's, and now he'll say it's so many times. And then we get this. So he's, he'll mummify himself to where he you cannot understand a thing, and he knows it, and he won't even take a second in between. He will instantly and very intensely and loudly try to repeat I love you dad. He'll screw it up and then instantly fix it, and we're just like new words, please. I need you to use new words. And then that starts a whole thing of.

Shannon Chamberlin: 16:35

Whether it's destruction, violence, migraine inducing behavior or threatening to scratch his face or trying to run away, just simple correction like that, redirection is almost impossible anymore too. I've had to redirect him so many days in a row this past week, since last Friday and today is Thursday day he's just been insane and I can't figure out why. I don't know. Of course there was the moon and the eclipse, okay, so there's always that, but I don't know. And now we're into the clocks went backward the other day, so now he's trying to go to bed at 5.30. Even though the clocks went back an hour, he's trying to go to bed two hours ahead and he's getting pissed off that his dinner's not ready, and I mean just, it's just insane. And then he'll stand up there in his room and just sob lately and then come right down in the middle of sobbing no tears, no red face, no blubbering Just come right downstairs after sobbing for 20 minutes and and I just I don't understand the behavior, but it's driving me insane. I just want him to stop, and I'm afraid to take him to get evaluated for anything.

Shannon Chamberlin: 17:51

Because number one. Everything's chalked up too well. He has autism. You know, the patient can't talk to me and I don't understand the patient and you, as mom and dad, don't even know if he's in pain. So what is the point of this visit is basically how it is Okay. So the other thing is that I don't know if you've noticed, but ever since COVID struck, healthcare is terrible. The workers, they might as well work at the dollar store in the storage room. I mean, what is the difference? Anymore I can't get a professional person unless I meet with his actual doctor. She's a great lady, but the doctors don't do the work. The techs do the work.

Shannon Chamberlin: 18:32

Okay, you know, I don't want him in an MRI tube, First of all, I don't want him having radiation in his body. I mean, obviously, if he needs it, then yeah. But how do you even get to that point? I'm? We waited for many, many months for a referral to go through from his doctor to therapy where he could go to horse riding therapy and have other animals available, and it's just like animal therapy. And it's on the list from the insurance company. The lady was here in our home and gave us the list and we gave it to the doctor and the doctor put the thing through and it took months. And then we called and they don't accept his insurance. So now he still gets nothing.

Shannon Chamberlin: 19:14

I don't know what happened to the speech therapy. They sent him home one day. We never got any reports. We never got any, you know, att a boys or anything, and they haven't called to reschedule and I don't know. I don't know what to do. You know, yes, I should call them, but I did and I haven't heard back. And trying to,

Shannon Chamberlin: 19:32

You know, I don't even know how much longer I can keep my job. I only work part-time. His dad is getting paid by the department of rehabilitative services as his caregiver, which is a huge help because there's nothing else that we can do but take care of him now. But I work part-time outside the home and I don't know how much longer I can do it. So I took a full week off, which is only three days, but that actually gives me 10 days off.

Shannon Chamberlin: 19:57

And the reason I did it was actually because we are buried in paperwork about him that keeps coming in the mail. It's just a mountain of, as far as I can tell, useless paperwork and I have to file it. I have to read every word of it, I have to go through all of it and it just keeps coming and I don't have enough time just to deal with the mountain of paperwork that is his life and so I took some time off and I'm dealing with that just yesterday and I don't have enough folders. So I have this big stack of shit for him and it's got his reports from camp when he hits his head on stuff, and it's got just behavioral stuff, some medical information, it's got his insurance stuff, just tons of crap that comes in the mail every day. That's useless, but I save it and I'm going through it. I'm trying to get it organized, trying to get it filed, and I find a stack of about 20 pages of physical therapy exercises that have been sent home to us from that occupational therapist who saw him a few times and said well, there's nothing I can do for him, he's fine, and I'm just insulted and worried and everything, because now we are responsible for his therapy.

Shannon Chamberlin: 21:14

How are we supposed to live our lives? We can't do this. My husband doesn't even have time to exercise himself. Do you know how hard it is? I'm sure you do, but this question, I guess, is for the dumbass that sent the papers home with us. Do you realize how hard it is to get this person to do exercises? He is completely incapable of moving his body the way that you want him to. They want him to do some yoga poses.

Shannon Chamberlin: 21:45

I used to do yoga with him and it was a nightmare. But I did it because I thought it was good for him. But you know what? It's not good for me! I have to exercise my body and then I'm supposed to take another what 90 minutes to exercise his body and make him do things that I mean, he's like a cross between a steel bar and a wet piece of spaghetti. I just don't. You know, you never know. And you're supposed to put that texture of a person into yoga poses and planks and wall push-ups and stuff? You know, I just want to go and scream at all of these so-called professionals. I would love to punch them in the mouth and have them show me how easy it is to take care of themselves and then take care of this child, because somebody's going to suffer. It's impossible.

Shannon Chamberlin: 22:38

How is it that all of the burden has fallen on us, his parents, to do everything for him? We are his transport. We are his physical therapists, we are his speech therapists, we are his mental health counselors, we are his chefs, we are his maids, we're everything. Where does that leave time for us? There is no time, and I hate this so much. It's getting harder and harder and harder.

Shannon Chamberlin: 23:07

Even though his risk of self-injury and injury to others has gone down with the medicine, he hasn't lost some of the skills that I'm very grateful for, such as he can still wipe his ass, he can still use the toilet on his own, he can kind of brush his teeth, he can put his dishes in the sink and put water on them sometimes. So those things are great, but it's still getting harder for us. We have things that we want to pursue. His dad is actually this is some good news about us His dad is becoming a professional comedian, which is awesome. He is funny, he's always been funny, and he's great with crowds, and so this is right up his alley. It is his wheelhouse and all that jazz, and he hasn't been able to do anything that he's meant to do as himself because of the lifestyle of caregivers. So the medicine that our son is on has finally taken us to a place where my husband can leave the house a few nights a week for a few hours a night and go deliver comedy to a sad world, and that is awesome for him.

Shannon Chamberlin: 24:18

I'm super grateful for comedy and for our son allowing this to happen, because without this happening, my husband was on track to be a complete fucking drunk. So don't think that you're alone when you're trying to drown your sorrows or smoke enough weed to be high when you wake up tomorrow. And all that because that is what we're driven to at times when you cannot live for yourself and you have to live this other person's life for them. It is mind numbing, it is so depressing and absolutely most people are going to turn to drugs and alcohol. I don't drink. I wish I could pound some shots of whiskey or something sometimes, but I just don't, you know. But my husband can and that's the route he was going until he actually fell into this comedy thing. So I am so grateful in so many different ways for the world of comedy and my husband's involvement in it.

Shannon Chamberlin: 25:21

I also wanted to tell you on a personal note, for me, the reason I have not been putting out bi-weekly episodes for this podcast is because I realized that my son will not get proper care in this state. I live in Illinois and I realized that probably the best state for us would be Southwest for many different reasons, but mainly because of the care for disabled adults that's available in some of the Southwestern states, and I also realized at that time that we'll never make it there if we don't find a way to make more money. We cannot just keep running this hamster wheel and living our son's life for him. I don't know what to do, but what I have been doing instead of podcasting is trying to learn internet marketing. I was hoping that I could master that and become a person that someone would hire to market their business on social media platforms, because, as I understand it, you can charge those people like two grand a month for running campaigns and stuff for them, and that's kind of where I need to be is back in charge of something and running the show and being a professional and offering a service and getting money for it.

Shannon Chamberlin: 26:52

I can't change our lives with a three-day-a-week part-time-paid job and my spouse making money from being a caregiver for his son. That's never going to get us out of this situation and our situation is difficult. I mean, yes, we have a roof over our heads and it doesn't leak and our bills are low, but there's no advancement, there's no getting better, there's no getting out of it, there's no getting our own home again for just the three of us, and it just won't work. So I've been putting many, many hours a week into this, this studying of doing online social media marketing, and I don't think I can do it. I've been trying really hard, but. This is a hard pill to swallow.

Shannon Chamberlin: 27:40

But I really feel that this lifestyle has taken all of the energy and focus that I need to be successful in any other field. I think it's been zapped from me. I think it's been leached from me. I think that autism is a parasite and it's trying to kill us and our dreams, and I'm going to keep going, but I just - I don't think the internet marketing is going to work out for me. It just takes too much energy to try to learn it and understand it and sell it. So, anyway, that's what's been going on. That's why I haven't been more available on the podcast. I was just trying to improve everything for all of us. I don't think it's going to work, sorry, yeah, so that was depressing, huh? S sorry about that. Maybe I'll cut that out, but I don't think I will.

Shannon Chamberlin: 28:35

I think that it's just part of life with this terrible disease, and sometimes I am a little more bitter than other times because you know, on one hand I feel bad for my son that he will never know all of these things about regular life and adulthood and everything. He will never have a lot of things that we typicals have. One of the saddest things is that he'll never have a loving physical relationship with another partner and he'll never be able to contribute to society and feel good about himself because of it. I hate to say never, but at this point it really feels like never, and for him and for me it feels like always, if that makes any sense. On the other hand, at least he doesn't know any better. I know he's lonely sometimes. I know that everyone could benefit from the loving embrace of a romantic partner, but knowing that he doesn't know any different is a little comforting sometimes and I know that's probably pretty twisted to say.

Shannon Chamberlin: 29:44

But I mean, if you see someone, okay, like, take me and his dad, take you. Okay, you and I were on a path. We were going to be successful, we were go-getters, I'm sure of it. Everything gets stripped away from you and all you become is a caregiver for someone who can't do most things for themselves. You are a servant and your dreams are just buried and blown apart. So you see, you know the difference. You know that there was a life that you were working towards and you had every intention of achieving great things for yourself and your family, and then it got stripped away from you because of severe autism.

Shannon Chamberlin: 30:27

Now take the child. The child knows no different. The child doesn't know what it feels like to have the world by the balls and then have it flipped on you. So he's suffering less than we are, I guess. I mean you know he's a tortured soul. He lives inside of his head and he can't get out and I feel terrible for him. But at least he doesn't know what it's like on the other side. He just - this is all he knows, and I sometimes think it's better that way. I don't know.

Shannon Chamberlin: 30:57

On the upside, he demanded a Halloween costume and I told him no. I told him that as soon as you can start using real words again, clean up after yourself, run your own bath, get your own toothpaste, dry your own hair, wash your dish and start cooking your own meals, I'm getting you a costume. He said, " I was like. Well, I mean, come on, man, you got to do something. You don't do anything. Why should I get you a costume? You're a grown ass man, you don't need no costume, you ain't going nowhere. And so we went the day after Halloween to the Halloween store because everything is 50% off and they had a perfectly fitting woody outfit from Toy Story and he loves Toy Story. So we got him this Sheriff woody outfit and he loves it. He'll wear it all day long.

Shannon Chamberlin: 31:52

So if you would like to see him wearing that and doing some cute stuff, he is on my husband's YouTube channel. We've got a couple of different videos of him, but more recently there's the woody ones. And that YouTube channel is called Burnt From Birth, and we don't mean Burnt like a fire, we mean Burnt like a stoner, Burnt From Birth. And that's a YouTube channel where you can see our son along with a bunch of other stuff. We've been doing skits and my husband plays guitar and you know there's just a bunch of crap on there, but it's. We're kind of making a time capsule, living time capsule on YouTube for our son, so he knows how to use YouTube and he can go to our YouTube channel anytime and watch Jacob and Dad. That is his favorite thing to do, is watch himself, and it happens to have Dad next to him, which he also loves. So if you want to check that out, feel free.

Shannon Chamberlin: 32:47

I tried to put that in there because what I just said was very sad and I'm sorry about that. I want to thank you again for your support. Thank you for those awesome messages you've been sending me. It really helps me keep going. Sometimes I often wonder is this helping anybody? Is anybody benefiting? Are you just listening and thinking, man, she's a bitch. Or are you thinking, oh wow, this is good to hear, or what? And lately I've been getting feedback and I value your feedback so much. It turns out that I'm helping you, so, yay, so the time change has sucked. I hope that your kid is not as crazy as ours about it. It's really been hard on us and I don't have any suggestions. We can't figure it out. It always is terrible, winter is terrible, and that's another reason we'd like to go Southwest. We - I don't know, in our twisted minds we think it's going to help. Yeah, so you just keep it going and I wish the best for all of you out there. You hang in there. You're a superhero.